[chris51]

I almost want to cry. I can't believe there is a message board for this. I have doen numerous searches for my symptoms and never came across this message board. I just spent over a 1/2 hour reading stories and I wanted to jump up and down and say "YES, that is me"

This is me. Depersonalization. I've had it as long as I can remember. No major trauma, no abuse in my past history. Dysfunctional family but nothing MAJOR. I always felt "different". Lived alot in my head, always extra sensitive to other people, like everyone says it's difficult to verbalize how this feels. I never felt "grounded". I felt "weird". Like I was too aware of my body, thoughts, enviroment. I constantly asked questions "I am really here?" Just never felt grounded. Strange feeling. I always thought it would go away when I went to high school or when I graduated college or when I got married or when I became an adult. So here I am at 36 married with 2 kids and still feel like this. ANyone else have a hard time accepting this? I am always seeking clarity or want to feel more grounded. THere are days that I do but it doesn't last. Nothing sets it off either.

Sad thing is I've been in and out of therapy trying to get a cure to this. I've been diagnosed with everything depressed, anxious, bi-polar. I am some of these every now and then but nothing constant and I an far from bi-polar. I've tried every med and it just made my depersonalization worse. I've tried all types of therapy and some times it would help. But that "weird" feeling was always there. I always felt like I was crazy.

I rambled enough. I want to read more stories and thank god I found this site. Really, you don't know how wonderful it feels to read stories that desribe myself EXACTLY. No one seems to get this.

 

[Guest]

I know the feeling. I've also had 'something' as long as I can remember. Sometimes I just get so down that I can't describe it properly.

Again, nothing traumatic in childhood (As far as I know)

 

[Guest]

welcome chris, i know how it feels to know that your not alone

 

[Guest]

Chris, It started with me back in dec last year. I cried when I first starting reading the stories last weekend, I dont know why. I thought I was alone. I have acute anxiety disorder caused by years of stress.

 

[sleepingbeauty]

you are definately NOT alone. ive had this for as long as i can remember too. very much in my own head... the world doesnt seem real.. or its real but im not. its so nice to know that youre not alone.

 

[Guest]

I know exactly how you feel. I have pretty much spent my entire life, or at least all of what I can remember with basically exactly what depersonalization disorder is. I didn?t know what it was until earlier this year, I accidental came across it when I was on a message board about movies and found information about the movie ?Tarnation.? I didn?t know that there was a condition for what was wrong with me. I just thought that there was something wrong with me and that I wasn?t like everyone else, that things wouldn't seem real or at least that I wouldn't. I am actually glad to know that there are others like me out there.

 

[person3]

I still remember the day four years ago, trying to look up "emotional numbness"

I still just can't believe it all. If I could realize then what I do now...oh my god. It is just such a god damned shock, it all. Amazing actually. The amazing journey.

And not very numb anymore

Now that you are on the board you will eventually find the way to recovery

 

[agentcooper]

i felt the same way, chris. when i finally found the description of dp/dr i was extremely happy. i finally had a name for what had been going on in my head. it made me feel like i could handle it better and that i wasn't alone.