[livinginhell333]

i think its a good thing, today i have cried basically thinking about my mom and my previous life, but i haven't been able to cry that much. it actually felt kinda good, made me feel a little bit real. like i really do care about my mom and family and about getting better and loving life, music, and sports...all that good stuff again. i yearn to get back to the me that i was of last year.

 

[Guest]

a good cry is good. today i cryed cuz i just felt so alone with all my problems like none understands.. stick in there

<3 mish.

 

[Guest]

good for you livinghell.

I cried yesterday too.I also felt more in touch with my feelings.
Before I cried I felt immense anger,the tears felt better.

Cheers Shelly

 

[livinginhell333]

i still don't feel alive and nothing really makes me happy, and i still feel like i'm floating through life, but hopefully those things will change. i can't wait to start feeling a hug again when i hug someone, but today i kinda felt like it was me walkin and not someone else and i felt the ground a little. not much, but it was something. hopefully little things come back to me and i'll get everything in my body back and then my emotions and life back.

 

[bat]

hi

it sounds to me like yourself feels and loves very much. your mental blankness is starting to thaw.

 

[Guest]

livinghell,it's weird because we are told that hugs are therapeutic.That it's good for us to receive a hug every day blah blah blah.

since I've had dp, hugs can scare the crap out of me.
Instead of feeling nice it only reminds me of how I can't feel the other person.
For me it's not about emotional numbness.It's about feeling like I might as well be air.Such a spooky feeling,it can really mess with my sense of reality.

I'd rather be the hugger,even then it can seem odd but I feel less afraid for some reason.

I know what you mean about the ground under your feet.
Once again, air.
It might as well be air.

 

[Guest]

For the better part of a decade i spent so many days sitting at my desk in a psychotic state, not knowing what was going on. I couldn't cry then and i couldn't cry when they transferred me from hospital to hospital where i was given so many drugs that it wouldve been impossible to feel. finally, when things started to change around 5 years ago i cried for the first time in about 12 years. i cried for hours on end for days at a time because there was so much bottled up emotion..dont worry, this is temporary. it takes a while but everyone eventually gets stable.

 

[livinginhell333]

yea the other day i hugged this girl at school or she hugged me and it felt like air. i hate that so much and i wish for it to end very soon. i use to love giving hugs and getting them. now its just air. same thing with the ground although now i feel a little more in touch with my body than say a week ago so hopefully its getting better. I also have some emotion maybe that will come back gradually.

 

[Monkeydust]

That's good to hear livinghell; at least you seem to be on the way to recovery now.

With a bit of luck your improvement will continue. I really hope it does, since you seem to have had a worse time than many members of the board - and any of us here are having "bad" enough times already.

Keep going, you'll get there in the end.