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6 Posts
Hey guys. I have been suffering from what I personally assume to be DP/DR for about 7 months now.. it all began by a marijuana panic attack that lasted 4 hours. I was truly convinced during this attack that it was my last night on Earth, I thought death was upon me. I had 911 dialed just in case, all the way up until the point of me FINALLY falling asleep at 3am. I had DR symptoms the day after this attack, but they went away within 3 days.. then..
ONE week after this panic attack, my mother and I were on our way to a Thanksgiving family gathering when we suddenly hit a deer going 75 miles per hour on the interstate. We hit the deer head on, and launched it about 40-50 yards. Our car spun out of control, and rolled (on it's wheels, we didn't flip) to the very edge of oncoming traffic on the other side of the interstate median. We were extremely lucky to be alive, my poor puppy was in the back seat as well..
As we were sitting in the ambulance, TWO MORE WRECKS happened in the same area that our wreck happened, due to people being nosy gawkers and seeing what was happening with OUR wreck. This was extremely disturbing to me, as I thought were in the Bermuda Triangle.. I told my mom "this doesn't feel real, this feels like a movie.." (We were not examined for concussions.)
Were these my first signs that DP/DR was kicking in? Maybe..
Anyway, a week went by and I wasn't really having any symptoms, until one night I was going to bed. I had just gotten out of the shower, and I looked in the mirror and shook my hair out. Suddenly, it felt like my head was ballooning. It felt as if my head was going to pop, and I started to have a very small panic episode, but fortunately I calmed myself down.
The next morning, well.. you guessed it. Full blown DP/DR. And it has been chronic every since then. It got so bad that I had to stop working, I had to stop driving because I would have panic attack while driving, and I had to go live with my mom because my own apartment felt completely alien and scary to me, and I was having panic attacks at random intervals throughout the day. My friends, my dog, my family.. everything felt ALIEN to me. I was in hell.
I tried Harris Harrington's program, went to therapy, and started Zoloft again to control my panic attacks, but I hate the thought of taking medicines for mental health, so as soon as my panic attacks stopped (about 2-3 months ago,) I started tapering off of the Zoloft.
Now I just have Xanax for emergencies. But the Xanax actually makes me feel worse, as it creates a further feeling of dissociation.. same with alcohol, tobacco, and obviously marijuana. I usually just use Chamomile and Epsom Salt baths to calm bad days of anxiety.
Anyway, I am now seeing another therapist who does EMDR therapy, but doesn't believe that I have DP/DR, but rather PTSD. I've read that dissociation is common with PTSD, but I am unsure of which one it really could be.. idk guys, I'm just real confused, and sick of this! DOES IT SOUND LIKE PTSD OR DP/DR?! IDK!
Here is a list of my symptoms:
-Feeling detachment from reality; dissociation, derealization, depersonalization?
-Feels like I'm high or tripping, but without the euphoria/any emotion
-Detachment from friends, family, co-workers (everyone feels/seems to be robotic)
-Constant, all-day thought loops, anxiety, edge of panic feeling, obsessive thinking, "checking"
-Intrusive thoughts
-Altered sense of time
-Feeling as if sometimes my voice isn't my own, wondering if I recognize myself in the mirror
-Constant doubt
-Lowered cognition, vocabulary, concentration, attention span, responsiveness (I used to be witty, smart, attentive, and extremely good at critical thinking.. Now I feel.. stupid?)
-Spacing out, staring.. a lot!
-Chest pressure, pain
-High heart rate
-Pressure in front of head all day
-Headaches AND pressure during low stress (kind of confusing, one would think that it would be the opposite)
-Short term memory loss (caused by low attention span and concentration most likely)
-Lack of all motivation
-Emotionally numb and unresponsive; can't FEEL love, happiness, anger, sadness, empathy (almost as if I'm "scared to feel?")
-Loss of interest in things I used to love; video games, music, shopping, being in public/social
-Panic/anxiety/fear when there are heightened feelings of dissociation/detachment caused by alcohol, tobacco, marijuana, or Xanax. (Strangest symptom to me, because usually these things "help" people with anxiety and depression, but for me it makes things worse.)
-Heightened stress/anxiety around fluorescent lights
-Visual snow/noise/static
-Lingering light auras, tracers
ONE week after this panic attack, my mother and I were on our way to a Thanksgiving family gathering when we suddenly hit a deer going 75 miles per hour on the interstate. We hit the deer head on, and launched it about 40-50 yards. Our car spun out of control, and rolled (on it's wheels, we didn't flip) to the very edge of oncoming traffic on the other side of the interstate median. We were extremely lucky to be alive, my poor puppy was in the back seat as well..
As we were sitting in the ambulance, TWO MORE WRECKS happened in the same area that our wreck happened, due to people being nosy gawkers and seeing what was happening with OUR wreck. This was extremely disturbing to me, as I thought were in the Bermuda Triangle.. I told my mom "this doesn't feel real, this feels like a movie.." (We were not examined for concussions.)
Were these my first signs that DP/DR was kicking in? Maybe..
Anyway, a week went by and I wasn't really having any symptoms, until one night I was going to bed. I had just gotten out of the shower, and I looked in the mirror and shook my hair out. Suddenly, it felt like my head was ballooning. It felt as if my head was going to pop, and I started to have a very small panic episode, but fortunately I calmed myself down.
The next morning, well.. you guessed it. Full blown DP/DR. And it has been chronic every since then. It got so bad that I had to stop working, I had to stop driving because I would have panic attack while driving, and I had to go live with my mom because my own apartment felt completely alien and scary to me, and I was having panic attacks at random intervals throughout the day. My friends, my dog, my family.. everything felt ALIEN to me. I was in hell.
I tried Harris Harrington's program, went to therapy, and started Zoloft again to control my panic attacks, but I hate the thought of taking medicines for mental health, so as soon as my panic attacks stopped (about 2-3 months ago,) I started tapering off of the Zoloft.
Now I just have Xanax for emergencies. But the Xanax actually makes me feel worse, as it creates a further feeling of dissociation.. same with alcohol, tobacco, and obviously marijuana. I usually just use Chamomile and Epsom Salt baths to calm bad days of anxiety.
Anyway, I am now seeing another therapist who does EMDR therapy, but doesn't believe that I have DP/DR, but rather PTSD. I've read that dissociation is common with PTSD, but I am unsure of which one it really could be.. idk guys, I'm just real confused, and sick of this! DOES IT SOUND LIKE PTSD OR DP/DR?! IDK!
Here is a list of my symptoms:
-Feeling detachment from reality; dissociation, derealization, depersonalization?
-Feels like I'm high or tripping, but without the euphoria/any emotion
-Detachment from friends, family, co-workers (everyone feels/seems to be robotic)
-Constant, all-day thought loops, anxiety, edge of panic feeling, obsessive thinking, "checking"
-Intrusive thoughts
-Altered sense of time
-Feeling as if sometimes my voice isn't my own, wondering if I recognize myself in the mirror
-Constant doubt
-Lowered cognition, vocabulary, concentration, attention span, responsiveness (I used to be witty, smart, attentive, and extremely good at critical thinking.. Now I feel.. stupid?)
-Spacing out, staring.. a lot!
-Chest pressure, pain
-High heart rate
-Pressure in front of head all day
-Headaches AND pressure during low stress (kind of confusing, one would think that it would be the opposite)
-Short term memory loss (caused by low attention span and concentration most likely)
-Lack of all motivation
-Emotionally numb and unresponsive; can't FEEL love, happiness, anger, sadness, empathy (almost as if I'm "scared to feel?")
-Loss of interest in things I used to love; video games, music, shopping, being in public/social
-Panic/anxiety/fear when there are heightened feelings of dissociation/detachment caused by alcohol, tobacco, marijuana, or Xanax. (Strangest symptom to me, because usually these things "help" people with anxiety and depression, but for me it makes things worse.)
-Heightened stress/anxiety around fluorescent lights
-Visual snow/noise/static
-Lingering light auras, tracers
