[shadowness]

i am pretending to be...

trying to carry on doing normal things because i have to...

i feel like i am fake...i have no idea how i got this way...i never thought that i could feel unreal...it is all so confusing...

i feel no emotion anymore...

i am so scared feeling this way...

i am scared that i will never recover from this...how can i?

i now honestly do not feel like me at all...

how i am writing this i have no idea and i am trying not to think about it...

i feel sick, tired, completely disorientated, scare, confused....and yet i can still do normal things...

this is seriously driving me nuts....

i have no idea what to do anymore...

i now even feel like i am forgetting who the people are around me and forgetting reality completely...

i want to forget that i ever felt this way...

i am too scared to live like this and too scared to be normal...

what the hell is wrong with me?!

as each day, each minute passess i feel myself slipping moer and more away...

someone help me...

sorry everyone but i am just completely lost...

 

[Mipmunk]

I admit I intermittently suffer with DP caused by things happening in my life which are upsetting or traumatic which causes my DP to trigger myself off. Fortunately mine does eventually lift. The first thing you need to do is:

1. Go to your GP, explain how you are feeling, he may put you on some anti depressants or sedatives to help.
2. He may refer you to a psychiatrist who will analyise you and will know what to do for the best.

As I can recall it, you are on no medications, they you must be feeling the worst DP that there is. Fortunately for me I get triggers until the real me decides to come back. I have felt DP'd this time for the past 10 days, and I feel mine might be lifting again. But if you don't get some help and get it soon you will have a nervous breakdown.

Even though my DP is intermittent I do understand how you feel.

Even though I have never had derealisation but just depersonalisation, I become frightened of myself and lose my identity together with having panic attacks and just not sure who is looking out of my eyes.

Please get some help. I know the torture you feel, I have been there. It is like you are wading through fog and you don't know how you are going to get through each day, but with the same token, you don't want to die either.

Please seek some help. I am going back to my GP tomorrow, I am hoping my DP is on the way out once more. I have suffered on and off for 10 years since the age of 24. Any period of DP lasting from 2 to 8 weeks.

Please take care, and please get some help.

Roxanne
x

 

[shadowness]

1. Go to your GP, explain how you are feeling, he may put you on some anti depressants or sedatives to help.
2. He may refer you to a psychiatrist who will analyise you and will know what to do for the best.

thank you very much for your reply...

i have already being seeing my GP about this for the time i have had it as well as seeing two psychiatrists...

all the meds i have been on have made me worse...

and then when i took effexor i was nearly hospitalized...

it is not a case of me not being able to cope with the side effects...i have allergic reactions to meds! i never read the side effect bits on the leaflets as i will panic about them...so i let my mother read them incase i am feeling something i should not be...

every tablet i have taken after the effexor has given me allergic reactions and i keep having to stop taking them after about 3 doses as the effects are so extreme...

i now do not see any psychiatrists as i refuse to go on meds as i want to try other things to help...

but all my GP (although a lovely man i and i like talking to) wants to do is put me on meds, and so does my psychotherapist...

if i had been told about alternative therapy when my anxiety problems had been getting more of a problem i KNOW i would not be in this position and i am kicking myself because of it...

but i suppose at the time i so wanted to be ok that i tried anything...

i am sorry...just having the worse day of my life to date i think...and so needed to vent...

i have not totally given up on medication but you can see why i do not want to take any right now...

i have been through 11 different kinds of meds and so maybe now my body wants a break...

i am hopefully going to be changing my therapist soon and want to know if anyone does CBT anywhere near me...

 

[Mipmunk]

In February 2003, I got pregnant, I believed I wanted a baby, well I am 34, and I thought time was running out. Lo and behold I felt pregnant, within one day, I woke up and my DP has returned, suddenly my mind went foggy and my identity disappeared almost immediately, I stopped eating, I wasn't sleeping I was terrified, sat in a corner shaking the whole time. I suddenly didn't want the baby or anything, I wanted to be well again. I had a termination. I got to such a point where I was so terrified of myself, I would lie on the floor and stare at the wall and not move, I wanted to get away from myself. I was terrified, petrified of who I was, I was just a body moving around, like a body with no soul, no personality and no identity. Who the hell was I? I was on paxil at the time and had been for years and years, it never stopped my DP from returning. My GP got me an emergency appointment with the mental health team where I saw a psychiatrist, she put me on mirtazapine and clonezapam. Slowly I started to get my appetite back, I started to sleep again and slowly little by little my identity returned. The whole thing lasted 8 weeks, and my psychiatrist told me I had had a mild nervous break down.

This was all caused because I am 34 and suddenly thought I better had a baby, not that I really wanted a baby, but just that I thought I better had a baby, so when I got pregnant the reality hit me I was going to have a baby and there was no way out of it and I couldn't handle it. I was the most frightened, scared, terrified person you would ever see. I was begging them to hospitalise me, I was convinced I was insane and a nutcase, I had images of slitting my wrists or taking tablets, I was so scared, but then I didn't want to die either. Slowly little by little it lifted, it was hard really really hard but it lifted.

This time I have only had my DP for 10 days, it is lifting I am starting to feel a little more normal, I have not been as bad as that time in February 2003.

If you find the right medication it will help a little, it won't completely get rid of the DP, I am afraid that will go when it is good and ready, when your brain thinks it is time to come out of hiding.

It will lift and it will ease, but without any medications, you must be beside yourself. I know I was, and I was on Paxil. Which I am not anymore.

Roxanne
x

 

[shadowness]

i am very sorry to hear what you had been through...that must have been so hard and i really do sympathise and admire your courage...

i will go on meds if nothing else works...

but for now...

i have a small operation coming up in december (and i do not want to be starting meds during that)...and so will see how i go...

something indeed has to be done medically/psychologically/emotionally done about all this...

but it is hard to go forward when there is not much to do right this minute.

thank you so much though Mipmunk for your reply...i fully appreciate it