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I am new here, and I am very afraid of my disorder, I have

2109 Views 4 Replies 1 Participant Last post by  coco33
called it "stepping out" when it would get unbearable. I have just begun to discuss this with my counselor. We were focusing on my getting out alive from my situation. And not realizing to the depth of how trapped I am right now. Perhaps just saying the word depersonalization....will help me now begin to reconnect. I have been only willing to connect to my grandchildren, and to those I trust, and those are very few. It's been a very difficult road to this day. I have wanted to just disappear. And the fact that I chose food as my way to do that, now shows me that my path back has to also go through the food disorder. I was so controlled by my husband, even the foods we ate, and his long 8 year battle with his health issues, that I simply stopped existing other then to care for him, our business, our home. I can almost remember the day I let go...and found it so safe to be in the world of a depersonalized person. The pain goes away, the sorrw the disappointments, the fear of being hit, it all just simply exists in front of me like a movie. NOW I want to get back into the body I gave This is very hard for me to even share this and I hope there are others here that recognize how vulnerable I am feeling. My husband has Borderline Personality disorder I believe, my counselor thinks so, and that mine developed in order to keep me safe in a very unsafe situation. Help me find myself....thanks..
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Hi sunrise,

Glad you have joined the forum. I joined not so long ago and find it comforting to know that there are others going through the same situation and that i am not all alone . I hope you to find it comforting too. There are lots of friendly people here that you can talk to.

DP is very frightening and its a stuggle to get through but with the love and support from friends and family it can make it that much easier.

I am a christian so i will pray for you tonight. You have come through a lot and survived which proves that you are strong. Keep fighting it and dont let it win.

God bless :)
Hugs Coco
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