Almost my whole life I experienced reality like a dream. I remember questioning myself if what I was seeing was real because it looked unreal. This started around elementary (earliest) or junior high (latest) and now I'm 26. This year I found out about DR and it's like my life started to make sense. There was actually an explanation for my experiences this whole time, but I didn't know about it. I thought there was something wrong with reality itself, but all of this time it was a problem with me. But then again, I don't know if anything can really explain how unreal my surroundings look and feel. I don't think it's possible that the trauma I experienced can cause something like this-- having DR 24/7 for so many years--- So long that I don't even remember at what age it started. All I know is that when I think about some of my childhood moments I am left with the impression and feeling that the reality I experienced back then was of a higher level than it is now (everything looked More Real). I ask myself now if it can be something other than DR and I can't come up with anything else. I am so fucked up that I don't know how much anything really exists. Is what I am seeing really occurring in real time? I don't know, but I still accept the possibility that it's really a mental disorder I have.
Reality is physical. What you see happening in fact is. Your young brain perceived reality based almost entirely on emotion which, as you get older, you'll detach from, to a degree. I think you are seeing more real that you ever have, being detached from the ego and all the confusion it's stirred in. You now have a perspective that most people will never come close to experiencing. Not feeling part of anything isn't entirely a negative thing. You can watch yourself, your friends, family, nature from afar and will one day get back into their shoes. You will be brilliant, having learned and adapted to the BIG PICTURE.
Ego, emotions- confusion
Your present state - Basic. From which you can see the big picture while everyone around you gets confused.
I wonder if most people with DP/DR are really just too intelligent. Maybe we know more than we are supposed to. Sometimes I think everyone around me just doesn't get it. How can the carry on like everything is so great? I feel like I'm watching a movie and just waiting for it to be over. I over think, over analyze, over compensate.....when will it be over to the point that I can just enjoy life and stop wondering if and how I fit into it.
Emotions together with mind and body give us our 3D perspective on life.
If you were traumatized and shut down your emotions in order to be safe, perhaps this is what causes us to feel more like a 2 dimensional being, rather than 3 dimensional being and therefore not feeling real.
I know how you feel. My DP started from a stupid break up (4 year relationship)that happened FOUR YEARS AGO! Up until a month ago I was pissed just so angry because everyone has a break up, why did I have to end up like this?? Then last month I was diagnosed with BPD (border line personality disorder) which is a personality disorder that basically means straddling between psychosis (detached reality) and neurotic (extreme emotion). The core of this PD is abandonment.. unconsciously I locked myself (mind) away 4 years ago because that was the biggest event of abandonment I have experienced since I was younger with my dad. My psychologist told me that BPD and DP together are the worst mixture but she also said that I cant get worse so I can only get better. She said I have literally locked myself away in my mind so that no one could hurt me.. sometimes when I started to feel abandoned and feel angry and hurt (even if the person really isnt doing anything, because a part of BPD is the delusion that they are) I locked myself so far into my mind that I can sit or lie there for hours without moving, just lost and hiding from the neurotic part of my disorder because ill cut myself or destroy something if i dont do it. BUT i do want to get better..im not religious but sometimes I pray that I will wake up one day and be normal again..I miss connecting with ppl no matter how much they scare me..I wanna be able to have sex again and feel the other person's skin touching mine..I feel like I'm in hell and I can't get out.
Maybe others with DP are comorbid with another disorder and you just havent found out yet. I'm studying psych in school so if anyone ever wants to chat I open..
Hope some of the things I'v shared helped. Ciao.
1 - 1 of 1 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could
be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
A forum community dedicated to support for those living with depersonalization disorder. Come join the discussion about treatment, health, life styles, spirituality, medication, research, recovery, and more!
