How your days goes??

My days blow. I really don't do much anymore. I tend to only go out for non stressful leisure activities, and even then I don't enjoy them like I used to. I have severe spaciness/fatigue/off-balance sensations which are greatly exacerbated by physical exertion or stress, so I'm finding that I sort of have to treat myself with kid gloves whether I want to or not. Most of my time is taken up by escapism (video games/movies/painting/sketching). I spend the rest of my time dreaming of a better life, or doing something non-taxing that I can just lose myself in. I am suicidal and deeply depressed so I have to stick to whatever gets me through the days just to be able to hold on. I am also way too dependent on my medication, which numbs me to things but also makes me even more tired. Ultimately it all feels like a no-win situation, where life has just become a kind of endurance test rather than anything I'm actively participating or advancing in.