i think this is reason for my dp and depression that i just keep creating very unconsciously things i dont want. and everything goes totally wrong direction. i really wanna end this battle in my head. i feel so helpless. i cant think anymore. all i feel is discomfort, anxiety wanting to escape. all i create is even more badness to muself so im fearing doing anything. how to i do this.. now im truly first time in my life totally in the core of this hell. this is the thing which always was here but now im more deeply in it and cant get away. first time totally confused and helpless. its kind of empty.. but its still strange. so its not completely just nothing. its constant struggle.