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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi Janine (and others),

How do you concentrate on present without feaking out? I feel like I am always on the moon and I have much trouble to concentrate on the present. When I do derealization get's worse and dp too. But it's

Also, why do my memory doesn't work when it's suppoed to? Why, example, can't I remember what I will do in the PM, when I am doing other thigns in the AM? It's like I have 2 seconds short term memory. It's REALLY frighening me. It's like I can't think properly. I just act, not think. Sometimes I even forget simple things I have to do in the day.. Where is my memory and why it's like that since my delivery? What happened?

Before I was thinking of tomorrow, what I will just do, who I will talk to, prepare myself mentally for this or this event, picture mentally past actions or future ones, etc. Now I have ) memory, it's not normal.

Thanks for your answers, Janine, if you read this one :)

C xxx

Discussion Starter · #2 ·
I know what you're describing to a "tee" - and sadly, I wasn't much better than you are at being able to distract myself. I wish I HAD been good at "just focus outward"'s so easy for me to say from this vantage point. Again, that's where the therapy worked for ME - I had to find out the thoughts/stuff that was DRIVING my obsessions, fears.

Once I had a bit of a handle on things, then I could FORCE myself to focus outward. But during the worst of it all, I know...I couldn't do anything. Mostly I couldn't even leave the house. Or if I did leave, I'd nearly always end up flagging down a cab unexpectedly, terrified and shaking and thinking I was vanishing.....frantic to get home (where nothing was any better, but at least I could lie down and cry)

The more we try to EVALUATE "is this real?" or "does this look real?" or "why does this suddenly look so odd?? the worse we will feel. What we need to do is at the FIRST instant of feeling worse, FORCE attention onto something'll still be scared and things will still look horrible and you will feel like you're on another planet, but don't let yourself EVALUATE IT.....just say "yes, that's the awful feeling" and try to NOT compare how you feel this instant with how you felt a minute ago. In short, force yourself to not self-watch.

But again, I couldn't do this either. I am not saying it's easy at all....please know that.

For me, I was hiding from so many thoughts and so much stuff in my own mind that I really WAS inventing the world, self-delusions were so powerful and they were fueling the "experience' of dp as a state of "illusion" or dream.


Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Hi again Janine,

At least I don't feel about inventing the world, or something like that, but I really feel that my memory is gone. THAT is my obsession. THAT is my main problem. I try not to think about it, like you say, or saying, ah, that is dp, but I still freak out ALL THE TIME. I can't get used to the idea that I will never have my memory and cristal-clear reality back. SO frustrating.

I have a OCD about time I think. I try SO MUCH to feel me AND myself, and try so much to feel time, and feel grounded, and not worry about it, and focus outward, and and, that my days fly and I feel SO tired, SO desesperate. I KNOW I will feel like I missed hours, or minutes, and I TRY not to think about it when I change places, but I think I think of it because I feel weird. :shock:

And you know what? I think I don't know what to do in my life anymore. I don't enjoy a new job, I really don't know who I am anymore and what I really what to do for a living. THIS is scary. It's like I don't know me anymore. Before I know I would like to be paper editor, or having a tiny job, not too much responsabilities, not too much social contacts, this was ME, my goal. Now, I don't know!!! :shock: It's like I don't want to isolate myself more and I know I was isolating myself before. But who am I and what can I do now? Argh.

I will probably see a psychologist specialised in traumas, I'll let you know how it goes. He's very intelligent about all dissociative disorders. If I can have an appointment!!! :!:

Cyn xxx

Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Im not sure I understand what you just said

but there are MANY people here, myself included who don't make the same posts everyday. Last year for the first month or so, I will admit I was a frantic repetative poster, but I soon realized it does nothing for me and stopped.

· Registered
342 Posts
SoulBrotha said:
Im not sure I understand what you just said
SB - I don't want to offend you, but I see your posts are very often - even repeatedly - quite rude and disrespectful oneliners. If you don't have anything positive to post, why not post anything? You have heard this sentence before, but you don't seem to learn to be more constructive. Just my two cents.
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