Hey folks,
I've going through many of the posts on this forum and on reddit to better understand what it is I'm going through.
On Wednesday night I had just 1 space brownie which was meant to be mild. It turned out to be the worst trip of my life. Extreme paranoia ensued. Racing thoughts. Unable to maintain a train of thought. Thinking I was going to die and needing to go to the hospital. Forgetting what I was saying mid-sentence. I thought it would be good idea to eat the brownie and watch Princess Mononke. Worst idea of my life.
I have had pure CBD oil and CBD/THC oil in the past with no issues. But with this brownie I had a severe reaction. 10 years ago though I had a bad trip from smoking weed and decided to never do it again. I don't think I've experienced any DPDR from that incident.
To top it off the very next day I had a flight to catch. I was still feeling the effects in the morning. I told my parents how I was feeling - that I was feeling "mentally retarded". They didn't believe anything I was saying or take me seriously.
When I landed and reached my accommodation I then started experiencing bad diahhrea nausea and just now vomiting which at the time of this writing I has not gone away. I think these gastro symptoms are due to the space brownie.
On Thursday and today I began to sober up/ On Friday I went to see my friends who I am attending a music festival with. Initially meeting them I was fine - was able to hold some conversation. But towards the end of the night I started feeling extremely blank. Even my friend commented that I am very quiet. I believe this many people have experienced this and is one of the most debilitating conditions for DP sufferers.
I am not sure why I have to experience this. But I am experiencing this at the worst possible time. A time where I have to be very social. Now I just want to stay in my room and not see anyone. I want to go home. I want to go see a doctor about my gastro issues. I'm not in a good place right now.
Unfortunately this all feels permanent like my brain has reached a cognitively worse baseline. Poorer memory than before. This longecity post captures much of what I am experiencing:
-no sense of self - no one “leading”
-objective perception
-timelessness
-living almost completely presently as no wants/excitement for future
-no analytical thought/judgement during interactions
-no frame of reference
-no opinions/preferences
-loss of external attachments
-everything/everyone feels unfamiliar due to loss of connection to memories
-poor memory, specifically affective memory
-blank mind/inner monologue - no “drifting off” in thought or getting distracted in an interested manner
-poor sleep quality
-no excitement - nothing to be excited for
-no deep emotions
-drive for life falling away
-no aspirations
-sense of mourning these abilities/life before this
Source: https://www.longecity.org/forum/topic/91600-anyone-recover-from-blank-mindno-inner-monlogue/
Even before this episode I felt my cognition wasn't great (which I speculated was due to adolescent weed use) - but now it feels noticeably worse.
Any words of support/advice greatly appreciated.
I've going through many of the posts on this forum and on reddit to better understand what it is I'm going through.
On Wednesday night I had just 1 space brownie which was meant to be mild. It turned out to be the worst trip of my life. Extreme paranoia ensued. Racing thoughts. Unable to maintain a train of thought. Thinking I was going to die and needing to go to the hospital. Forgetting what I was saying mid-sentence. I thought it would be good idea to eat the brownie and watch Princess Mononke. Worst idea of my life.
I have had pure CBD oil and CBD/THC oil in the past with no issues. But with this brownie I had a severe reaction. 10 years ago though I had a bad trip from smoking weed and decided to never do it again. I don't think I've experienced any DPDR from that incident.
To top it off the very next day I had a flight to catch. I was still feeling the effects in the morning. I told my parents how I was feeling - that I was feeling "mentally retarded". They didn't believe anything I was saying or take me seriously.
When I landed and reached my accommodation I then started experiencing bad diahhrea nausea and just now vomiting which at the time of this writing I has not gone away. I think these gastro symptoms are due to the space brownie.
On Thursday and today I began to sober up/ On Friday I went to see my friends who I am attending a music festival with. Initially meeting them I was fine - was able to hold some conversation. But towards the end of the night I started feeling extremely blank. Even my friend commented that I am very quiet. I believe this many people have experienced this and is one of the most debilitating conditions for DP sufferers.
I am not sure why I have to experience this. But I am experiencing this at the worst possible time. A time where I have to be very social. Now I just want to stay in my room and not see anyone. I want to go home. I want to go see a doctor about my gastro issues. I'm not in a good place right now.
Unfortunately this all feels permanent like my brain has reached a cognitively worse baseline. Poorer memory than before. This longecity post captures much of what I am experiencing:
-no sense of self - no one “leading”
-objective perception
-timelessness
-living almost completely presently as no wants/excitement for future
-no analytical thought/judgement during interactions
-no frame of reference
-no opinions/preferences
-loss of external attachments
-everything/everyone feels unfamiliar due to loss of connection to memories
-poor memory, specifically affective memory
-blank mind/inner monologue - no “drifting off” in thought or getting distracted in an interested manner
-poor sleep quality
-no excitement - nothing to be excited for
-no deep emotions
-drive for life falling away
-no aspirations
-sense of mourning these abilities/life before this
Source: https://www.longecity.org/forum/topic/91600-anyone-recover-from-blank-mindno-inner-monlogue/
Even before this episode I felt my cognition wasn't great (which I speculated was due to adolescent weed use) - but now it feels noticeably worse.
Any words of support/advice greatly appreciated.
