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My DP started from a stupid break up (4 year relationship)that happened FOUR YEARS AGO! Up until a month ago I was pissed just so angry because everyone has a break up, why did I have to end up like this?? Then last month I was diagnosed with BPD (border line personality disorder) which is a personality disorder that basically means straddling between psychosis (detached reality) and neurotic (extreme emotion). The core of this PD is abandonment.. unconsciously I locked myself (mind) away 4 years ago because that was the biggest event of abandonment I have experienced since I was younger with my dad. My psychologist told me that BPD and DP together are the worst mixture but she also said that I cant get worse so I can only get better. She said I have literally locked myself away in my mind so that no one could hurt me.. sometimes when I started to feel abandoned and feel angry and hurt (even if the person really isnt doing anything, because a part of BPD is the delusion that they are) I locked myself so far into my mind that I can sit or lie there for hours without moving, just lost and hiding from the neurotic part of my disorder because ill cut myself or destroy something if i dont do it. BUT i do want to get better..im not religious but sometimes I pray that I will wake up one day and be normal again..I miss connecting with ppl no matter how much they scare me..I wanna be able to have sex again and feel the other person's skin touching mine..I feel like I'm in hell and I can't get out.

Maybe others with DP are comorbid with another disorder and you just havent found out yet. I'm studying psych in school so if anyone ever wants to chat I open..

Hope some of the things I'v shared helped. Ciao.


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Jinju
Jun 10 2011 12:30 AM

Hi Kia. I'm new to this site and i'm not so sure if I have DP or something else! I'm a bit lost.. Anyways, your blog caught my eye because I believe that mine started when I was abandoned too. I've had it since my Junior year in high school which is some years ago. It's definitely my escapism and it's like I'd rather be in my fantasy world than in the real world. I don't really feel like I'm in a "movie" like most people do but I do lock myself in my mind and start conversations to myself when I'm alone. I don't actually hear other voices but my own so I know I can distinguish between fantasy and reality but my disorder is annoying because I can never get a good night's sleep! Anyways, I was just wondering if you had similar symptoms. I'm trying to connect with people like me and this is my first attempt! Hope to hear back from you soon. Thanks!


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leslie
Jul 20 2011 12:43 PM

hi guyz ,think I am also the same i can't realize my surrounding it feels like there's smthng blocking me in my head,my vision is not that clear at nyt especially. and i also lyk to get caught up in fantasy where i create a fantasy of a perfect lyf only that at times i use other people.so wat solution did u come up with?cause i feel totally stranded
 
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