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Intro:

What's up guys, just going to use a blog for longer posts so people can see them from my profile, I'll explain my DPDR and how I got it and all of that stuff. Right now I'm a senior in highschool(17 y/o) and about to graduate in a month. June of 2016. I'll try to recount things as I remember, but I'll leave it vague, it's been too long to remember everything accurately. Feel free to add me if you read this, I'll try to keep posting until I finish my complete experience so far.

How it happened:

My first experience with DPDR happened with my first experience of taking acid, somewhere around summer before 10th grade, I was 14 at the time I believe. It wasn't LSD, and it was a research chemical, more dangerous really, 25i-NBOMe, but still acid nonetheless. Took it with a friend and stayed up all night watching Death Note for my first time, a lot of fun really. I took 1/4 of a tab, not enough to make me undergo a full trip, but definitely dissociated, it was really cool for a while to feel weird and in a different environment, especially watching my first run through of a good show. I only had to deal with one stressful thing that night. But in the morning, when it became daylight again, I took a shower(after I felt I was about done on the drug, the comedown). I sat down in the shower and looked at my legs and they felt huge, my sense of depth was outta wack, I thought I was going to have to convince my mom to take me to the hospital, but I soon realized it was still the drug. I probably slept all day once I got into bed and my friend left. But after I woke up I still felt like I was on the comedown of the drug, it was irritating, and after a couple days, I was still feeling weird. I mentioned it to my friend that did it with me, casually bringing up the idea of feeling weird over a few days, to see what he would say about it, and he had no idea what I was talking about. That really stunned me, I didn't mention anything more to him about it after that. I felt physically weird, moving, looking around, that sort of stuff, mostly the depersonalization, which was scary. After 7-8 days of not feeling normal again, I had a panic attack. After relaxing some, I described how I felt on google and found depersonalization after a little bit, which hit the mark, but didn't really make me feel all that much better.

Following year or two afterwards:

I've never been one to ask a lot of questions, or for advice, or talk about myself, and I didn't tell anybody about this for a long time, however what really helped was that I could relate to my best friend eventually about it in 10th-11th grade considering he was smart, honest, and had done more far more acid than me at that point. A few months after my acid experience, after summer when I was back in school, a lot of my depersonalization had gone away for the most part, which was scariest to me, but I was still pretty out of it with derealization, I would sit at the bus terminal before school and notice/observe how weird everything seemed, alien. That lasted for a long time, over a year. Anything that required focus while I was tired which made my symptoms seem that much worse, I started to get depressed, drink, do pills, smoking cigarettes, all kinds of stuff, & was getting a few hours of sleep at most before school, and my insomnia got worse. I stopped smoking weed completely by this point, I was never a heavy smoker, and I remember liking the affects somewhat before my acid trip, but since that point weed made me feel like I was tripping again, and not just some relaxed high that made me feel weird and act dumb with my friends, it was practically psychedelic, and made it hard to explain to my friends why I refused to smoke, so I didn't bother. I've always been a doubtful person, and I was so confused about DPDR, I wasn't sure if I was different after the acid in general, or if I just thought that I felt different. My friend told me that I was different, and not just imagining it. But by nature, I really wasn't entirely sure if I felt the same as I had my whole life or just had a different perspective on things. And I've come to learn now that I had changed.

Extra:

I've never gone to anyone for help about it or talked to more than a handful of people online or my friends about it since then, so be careful with some of the people you talk to about it or how you word it, but know that it's probably best to get help if you can. I would not recommend that anybody do acid or drugs in general, especially if you haven't already. Acid isn't a joke, and it can completely change your outlook on things or how you feel, it's the most intense thing I've experienced, and I've done it multiple times. I'm sure it won't mess with everybody, I have friends that have done a lot, and they're absolutely fine, but this wasn't the case for me at all.



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Cawndog
Apr 28 2016 08:31 PM

Hey man, I've had both dp and dr for about 2 months. I think it was from weed but I felt completely fine for 3 days after smoking so I really don't know. First month was complete hell. Panic attacks daily and severe depression, but things have started to look up. I think its probably because I accepted these strange feelings and am trying to keep a positive outlook on my life. Now its just more of an annoying feeling rather than scary. Anyways, I couldn't exactly tell by this post, but have your dp/dr feelings completely gone away? If they have, what is recovery like? Did you just wake up one day and be like "damn, I feel normal again", or was it just a sudden realization that you haven't felt dr/dp in a while?

 
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