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I've experienced depersonalization episodes before for hours or a day at a time only occasionally but I never thought anything of it until this past week where it's been extremely intense and stressful. I know that DP can stem from anxiety which is what I'm assuming has happened. Normally I just push all of my anxiety and stress to the back of my mind and let it appear as if it is not there. I think that it's unhealthy for me to do that rather than just dealing with it and I think this week I've let it all come back at once on top of the anxiety I've already been experiencing lately. I know I've been thinking a lot about college and my future which is probably the most stressful thing to me. It scares me tremendously for some reason. I've started to miss some school because of the way I'm feeling. It gets so much worse when I increase my surroundings or what I'm doing and that's such a stressful thought. I don't know what to tell people when I miss school. I want to tell them what's going on with me so they're aware but I don't want them to look at me like I'm insane although that's definitely how I feel. I want to know when I'll be able to feel normal again. I'm so so so afraid of what's going to happen in the future. I'm afraid this is going to affect my performance in school, music, life in general. Every time I shower i can feel the temperature change from hot to cold but it's like my body has no response to it, it's like I'm not becoming hot or cold with the water. Anytime I eat I can hardly taste anything other than if something is sweet or savory. When I drive I feel as if I'm in some desolate world and everyone passing me doesn't actually exist. It looks quiet. When I talk to people I don't feel in control. I look at someone and I talk but I can't feel myself processing any of the words I'm saying. I don't feel like I'm processing anything around me but I'm still somehow functioning and reacting and interacting but I'm not thinking about doing any of those things so it really confuses me. It's like someone else is talking for me. It doesn't feel like me at all. I look at my hands and I know they're mine but they don't feel like mine. Its like they almost have a mind of their own. I am endlessly questioning what I'm doing because I know my brain isn't working properly. I question if I'm at school at the right time and right day. Did I show up accidentally on a Saturday? I'll obsessively check the time and date on my phone. Im having trouble deciphering if things have happened in a dream or not. I feel like my depth and time perception is off. I look at a clock and know what 5 minutes is supposed to feel like but it doesn't feel the same anymore. I feel like things are happening so fast and I'm just going through the motions in everything I do. After driving I often forget the entire ride and it confuses me as to how I got from one place to another with no memory of what happened in between. I feel depressed sitting in my room as everyone else is out in the world living when that's all I want to do but everything that's happening feels so empty. I feel like I'm not getting anything out of life. I'm constantly stressed thinking about it and how it's affecting me and it's only been a little over a week. How much longer is this going to last?
 
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