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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I wrote this one page paper outlining how i feel every day with depersonalization, enjoy. Love your feedback.

A Day in the Mind of a Depersonalization Sufferer:

Imagine you are physically doing something and at that same time you are thinking about something too, but that thought then turns into; "Was I really just thinking that, is this actually what I thought?" You let it pass and follow your thoughts more and begin to think on something else, you then ask yourself again, "Was I really just thinking this, Is this really what is happening or is this a loop of what isn't really happening but actually is." This continues, over and over to the point where a loss of current awareness occurs and the outside world feels it does not exist, all that exists is my continuous endless thoughts that remind me that this world, this life, this what I am in is all a dream. Every day when I wake up I get the same thought come into my head, "Will this dream ever end, will I ever wake up, I then begin thinking of the prior months and come to the realization that this isn't a dream, but then question how can't it be when everything feels like it's not falling into place like it used to.

Our Vision, something that is rarely questioned by our society, a vision that is blurry is answered with a simple answer, glasses. A vision that is tunneled, blurred, and patchy and feels as if it is ever so distant from you, sort of like looking out your eyes from further back in your head. It feels as if your eyes don't want to see they just want to focus on the constant thoughts shooting into your head 24/7. That is what my vision is like, and has been since October 29th 2013. This subject is what hurts me the most and makes me feel most distant from recovery every day through the last 7 months. It reminds me every day that things aren't getting better and that this is the way it is. I don't remember what normal vision feels like; I don't remember what it was like staring into beautiful scenery and really absorbing that feeling of; "This place is beautiful." I don't remember it, but I know it is something we as humans do experience, and is one of the many reasons humans live on without depressing illnesses.

Picture this

Have you ever driven your car on a particular route which you know so well, that you can do it without even realizing what is happening and ending up at the point and thinking to yourself "Wow how did I just end up here."

Imagine living in your familiar environment and having every movement you make or any action you do feel exactly like that drive where you asked yourself "How did I just get here." That is how my life is as a chronic Depersonalization sufferer, among thousands of others like me around the world.
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