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Lately the idea of “recovery” seems so far fetched to me. How can one just go back to the state they were in before all of this? How does it even happen? How can your vision all of a sudden become normal again? And memory, sense of self, cognition etc? Seems so hard to believe. It feels like I lost too much to be able to return to normalcy.
 

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It only takes a little push to make the egg fall off the table. Gravity accelerates the egg toward the floor. The egg splatters. There is no little push that can reverse this event.

It is a classic case of entropy. No amount of tears will ever reassemble the egg. Thomas Wolfe wrote "You can never go Home Again".
 

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I think of it like a blanket with holes in it or a series of blankets, as you go through the days the blankets with start to slip off and the holes are breakthrough moments that give you hope. Something you should consider is stretching, I've found it helps me about 10 to 15 percent in how I feel. But when you're that deep in the hole just remember it's a subconscious disorder so even though you may be consicious of it 24/7 focusing on it only reveals it for what it is, nonsense. Trying to make sense out of nonsense. It takes a perposterous course but you will make breakthroughs as long as you don't drink etc exercise and sleep when you're too exhausted which is probably most of the time.
 

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Your sense of self is still there. You have to find a way to bring it back out. The existential thoughts don't leave, but can become nonreactive and then you can easily brush them off; they become background noise.
 
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