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Hello,

I would have wrote this in the 'normal' forum but I think this may be a little long so this seemed like the best place to put it.

I would like to know how you stop beating yourself up over your past mistakes?. I have asked therapists about this in the past and they normally get me to open up about the things I did in the past that make me think I am a bad person and then they come out with the same old ''you're not a bad person blah blah blah''. It maybe makes me feel better for a few days but then the old thought patterns start creeping back in and they make me anxious.

One of the main things that stick out and make me feel I am not a very good person is that I had an abortion last year. This was around the time I was doing SO much better with my anxiety and derealisation. I honestly felt as if I was nearly cured. I did not receive any form of therapy after the abortion and slowly my anxiety became a lot worse and so the dp/dr seemed to creep back in. The thoughts that surround this and make me feel not good seem to swallow me up? there's no escaping them or the feelings they give me. I would say they are a lot like the obsessive thoughts that come along with dp/dr but they seem to really hit where it hurts as they're not about the outside world, they're about me as a person.

There's a lot of other things that stick out too that I also beat myself up for.

It probably sounds so simple and stupid to other people, it's like well you're not a bad person so stop thinking about it etc etc. I CAN'T, I have tried countless times and it doesn't work. I've even tried going with it and agreeing with the thoughts but it still doesn't seem to help. I can feel good, I can have a good time but it's like the second I feel to good or I feel ok about myself my brain thinks ''Hey, we can't have you feeling that good, let's throw up some shitty memory and torture you with it all day!!!!''...........

I suppose no one really knows what ''good'' is, we are all ''good'' in our own ways but I feel it's important to feel good on the inside and I don't feel that.


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seafoamneon
Dec 07 2014 10:05 PM

Excessive shame and guilt does not come from making mistakes or not loving yourself/low self-esteem.

It's probably something deeper that is NOT your fault, but from past emotional abuse from a parent (stuff like neglect). That means it's not permanent and you can change it to be happier in your life.

"I can feel good, I can have a good time but it's like the second I feel to good or I feel ok about myself my brain thinks ''Hey, we can't have you feeling that good, let's throw up some shitty memory and torture you with it all day!!!!''..........."'

And this is something I struggle with too, it can directly cause DP as well. Once again, it's not permanent and you can change it to be happier.

http://aconsociety.b...-it-punish.html



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Sa-lB
Dec 12 2014 11:17 PM

Thank you for the advice Seafoamneon and for the link, it's very interesting and I can relate in some ways!


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sadpenguin
Jan 06 2015 03:34 AM

I personally think the first step is to love yourself. Think of one think you like about yourself. Any small little thing, weather it be you like the way you smile to you like the way you organize your apps on your home screen. Notice the good in you. Everyone has good in them. I can actually think of a few good things in one of my enemies. Value the person that you are, learn that your existence is important, and screw all the negative thoughts that try to bring you back down when to do start to think positive about yourself. I always say this to my friends, for every negative thought you have make sure you have a positive one. Not the other way around. Lots of love x


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mana_war
Feb 08 2015 11:35 AM

The excessive pain comes from our instinctual avoidance of pain. Anxiety is an emotion that's role is to protect us from perceived threat but we then perceive anxiety itself as a threat. We must allow and observe anxiety an only then will it go away, only then will we have created ur own safety in understanding urself, not needing someone to tell u something to feel better and be inclined subconciously to not blame ourselves or make us fall into a cycle of more and more fear.

I got all this from the link on the video featured on the site right now. It's making a lot of sense, maybe i can't explain that well. It's worth a try.

Listen | MC2 Method

My friend got an abortion last year. She was raped by a cousin, which she had and still has to live with because her parents died and they are the only family left. This is in a country where sex before marriage is punishble by death and the woman is always wrong. Somehow she is in a relationship with this guy now and she tells me shes happy and that they plan to get married. Now that I think of it, I am one of the 2 people she confided in and she only said it once that she could feel her son and she didn't want to abort him. I still keep in contact, i dont feel like its something that still haunts her maybe cuz she knew had to.

you have to let yourself feel it the it integrates into our beings processed and we move on. the shit happes when we deny or avoid those feelings becasuse we want to hide from the pain instead of feeling it


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jivangilad
Feb 17 2015 02:32 AM

I agree with mana_war.

I was suffering from PTSD.

I went just a few times to a therapist.

I told her that I was feeling bad about what have happened to me, though there was some positive side to what happened.

She said, well what happened to you was very bad, everybody will feel bad about such a thing.There is much more to the negative then positive in the trauma that you have passed

.I felt that was very healing, and also realized I am O.K. to feel like this

Well and abortion to a woman can be very difficult.
 
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