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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello,

I have been feeling better lately in comparison to a year ago when all of this started. Although, being so distant to reality for quite some time and coming back is quite the difference.

Nowadays, everything seems so full of life, it's hard to describe. An example is looking at someone, you could capture the details on their face and on mine too. It sounds bizarre, but I guess we are all in the same boat with this condition.

My question is,
How do you see the world now? What do you see different now?

Wish you all a good week.
 

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Very unlikely that you will get answer to that as most people who have recovered unusually come with a post about it and then leaving the forum for good.
 

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I feel like I am 90% there:) The only thing holding me back is my university examinations and my constant coffee intake for the moment. Hopefully once I am done, I can focus on being better again.

This condition is the worst thing out there, like fuck.. It's been such a hard journey. A friend of mine was tripping on LSD for 12 hours and she was getting tired of the effects of tripping and just wanted to be normal. I kinda laughed at that, little does she know theres a trip or condition that last for years and its 24hrs.
 

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At my worst, i had a brown lense over my vision so life appeared like a sun bleached, faded photograph. Nowadays it's mostely a bit 2D. I only realised that because I had a moment 2 days ago where everything was 3D again and it was like I'd got a new Tv. Yeah it was like hyper reality
 

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At my worst, i had a brown lense over my vision so life appeared like a sun bleached, faded photograph
Great description. That's exactly how my vision is. I look forward to the summer, when it's socially acceptable to wear sunglasses again. Wearing them helps distract from that horrible effect.

I recovered from dp in the past and the way I would describe it is like you are fully absorbed in watching a film (aka life) again. You can't believe you spent so much time worrying about dp. It seems so uninteresting when you're fully out of it. Because, at that point, what you see in front of you is what it's really about now because you can really feel what's going on and the more you become absorbed in how it feels, the more attention goes into it and so on. It's really all about more feeling and hence more absorption into what's happening around you.
 

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The summer is a few months off James with luck it can correct before then. It disturbed me that the brain can do that.

You are right that living properly is more about feeling. I used to say i lived off instinct. And the little and big things captured my attention. There is just a void where those old feelings used to reside atm
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I explain DP like a powerful weed trip that never ends. Maybe I'm extra sensitive to weed. I'd never mess with acid. School definitely exacerbates my lack of mental energy, but it's one of my favorite things. What are you studying?
Uni and derealization got to be the worst duo out there, haha.

I am currently studying international business management. Today I submitted my last paper and hopefully my winter break can start, fewww!

And what are you studying?
Yeah uni is nice and learning about new topics too. Although, isn't reading hard for you too, like aren't the letters blurry for you?

Previously it took me ages to write an assignments since I cannot focus on the letters, it was so hard to concentrate. Nowadays, I can read things better than before so thats a relief.
 

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I had diagnosed DP on and off for three years now, but I think I had it probably my whole life, it just went undiagnosed for a long time.

It changes in intensity depending on my general perception of the world, and sometimes it goes away for longer periods, like months.

When I feel well, and I am able to realistically accept even the difficult things and in particular traumatic memories in my life, the DP goes away, and the world looks very different. (My DP is trauma induced, as part of dissociative response on repetitive traumatization in childhood. I never used drugs)

However, when I have a really strong DP, I feel body-less, or floating, or like an automaton, or a doll. Still, no one can actually see that, they cannot even tell that something is going on within me. It narrows down my perception of the world, in a way that it becomes more like 2D, and everything feels as if there is no perspective, both figuratively and literally. Once I had a particularly strong onset of DP while speaking onstage with more than 50 people in the audience. I could hear myself speaking, and I admired how well I was prepared, but I had no clue as to what I am talking about. All I could perceive was one bright light blinking at the very rear end of the auditorium. Besides DP, my main problem is GAD, but I have no problem with public speaking, go figure! I dread the usual situations, though, like grocery shopping...

When I get out of DP mode, it is as if my life suddenly has such a depth, and scent and taste, everything becomes crystal clear and bright, and is full of opportunities, that I prevented myself from seeing while I was DP. I suddenly can have so much energy, ideas, I feel a lot of love for my family and friends, and in general I feel really passionate about life. Once I said to a friend that I love her so much, just that I somehow do not manage to love her all the time, and that generally is how I feel with DP on and off. When I am DP, everything is on pause, until I can continue running, feeling and loving again.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I had diagnosed DP on and off for three years now, but I think I had it probably my whole life, it just went undiagnosed for a long time.

It changes in intensity depending on my general perception of the world, and sometimes it goes away for longer periods, like months.

When I feel well, and I am able to realistically accept even the difficult things and in particular traumatic memories in my life, the DP goes away, and the world looks very different. (My DP is trauma induced, as part of dissociative response on repetitive traumatization in childhood. I never used drugs)

However, when I have a really strong DP, I feel body-less, or floating, or like an automaton, or a doll. Still, no one can actually see that, they cannot even tell that something is going on within me. It narrows down my perception of the world, in a way that it becomes more like 2D, and everything feels as if there is no perspective, both figuratively and literally. Once I had a particularly strong onset of DP while speaking onstage with more than 50 people in the audience. I could hear myself speaking, and I admired how well I was prepared, but I had no clue as to what I am talking about. All I could perceive was one bright light blinking at the very rear end of the auditorium. Besides DP, my main problem is GAD, but I have no problem with public speaking, go figure! I dread the usual situations, though, like grocery shopping...

When I get out of DP mode, it is as if my life suddenly has such a depth, and scent and taste, everything becomes crystal clear and bright, and is full of opportunities, that I prevented myself from seeing while I was DP. I suddenly can have so much energy, ideas, I feel a lot of love for my family and friends, and in general I feel really passionate about life. Once I said to a friend that I love her so much, just that I somehow do not manage to love her all the time, and that generally is how I feel with DP on and off. When I am DP, everything is on pause, until I can continue running, feeling and loving again.
Thank you for sharing a bit about your story with us.
In general, I guess you become more hopeful about life rather than drown on it, I really liked your description.

I hope you're having a beautiful day,
Santi
 

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Tnx Santi, I also enjoyed reading to some of the old posts at this forum, as I am new to it.

Hope that you will not have to hear me dragging everyone down on a bad day:) Just kidding, I am here to look for support, and to offer some, whenever I can.

Cheers!

Anna
 

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I had diagnosed DP on and off for three years now, but I think I had it probably my whole life, it just went undiagnosed for a long time.
It changes in intensity depending on my general perception of the world, and sometimes it goes away for longer periods, like months.
When I feel well, and I am able to realistically accept even the difficult things and in particular traumatic memories in my life, the DP goes away, and the world looks very different. (My DP is trauma induced, as part of dissociative response on repetitive traumatization in childhood. I never used drugs)

However, when I have a really strong DP, I feel body-less, or floating, or like an automaton, or a doll. Still, no one can actually see that, they cannot even tell that something is going on within me. It narrows down my perception of the world, in a way that it becomes more like 2D, and everything feels as if there is no perspective, both figuratively and literally. Once I had a particularly strong onset of DP while speaking onstage with more than 50 people in the audience. I could hear myself speaking, and I admired how well I was prepared, but I had no clue as to what I am talking about. All I could perceive was one bright light blinking at the very rear end of the auditorium. Besides DP, my main problem is GAD, but I have no problem with public speaking, go figure! I dread the usual situations, though, like grocery shopping...

When I get out of DP mode, it is as if my life suddenly has such a depth, and scent and taste, everything becomes crystal clear and bright, and is full of opportunities, that I prevented myself from seeing while I was DP. I suddenly can have so much energy, ideas, I feel a lot of love for my family and friends, and in general I feel really passionate about life. Once I said to a friend that I love her so much, just that I somehow do not manage to love her all the time, and that generally is how I feel with DP on and off. When I am DP, everything is on pause, until I can continue running, feeling and loving again.
That's a great explanation on how majority of us feel. What has helped you get out of dp mode ? Any tips would be helpful to all of us
 

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Cali, my DPDR has everything to do with accepting or not accepting the feelings within me that I find unbearable. One can even say that I have a phobia of feeling certain feelings, in particular anger, rage and fear, and this is at the core of my DPDR. My DPDR is all psychological, even though my introvert character and proneness to anxiety contributed to its development. If it were otherwise, as my therapist once put it aptly, and if I were extrovert with "fight" response to danger, I could have turned a criminal and a bully:)

I always used dissociation in general (daydreaming, spacing out, getting involved in a plot of a book, movie or video game so that I forget everything else) and DP as its extreme end, as a coping mechanism to shield myself from the unbearable feelings. I can sometimes even do it on purpose, just cut myself off emotionally, and be composed when everyone else panics, or I can detach myself from physical pain, such as after a car accident.

But with more complicated onset of DPDR that I experienced in the last three years, it took a lot of talk CB therapy (six months every week, on two occasions), and Zoloft along with it. But it was some really terrible stuff that I had to face emotionally, and I believe DP was there to help me through it, as it always did. Just this time it was not helpful, it made my suffering even worse. I had to be present, and I had to feel, in order to heal, and DP would not let me.

So, to cut the long story short, I had to make a conscious choice to feel that unbearable fear all the way, anger all the way, rage all the way, and only then DP would actually let me feel other, more pleasant and more everyday stuff too. You may ask: How do you make yourself feel when DP? I do not know, but somehow it was like: I will do this or I die. No third option. I take the plunge, and face whatever scares the hell out of me, or I die.

So along with therapy, where I talked about all the bad stuff that I had to face, I also kept a diary over three years, with entries every day, monitoring this way the onset of DP (and everything else: anxiety, DR, panic attacks etc.), and taking notes of activities that make me feel better. I am obsessive about mostly everything I do, and I tend to overkill, so now I have like 500 pages of entries:) But it helped, as I could discern reality from just my imagination.

I introduced some physical exercise to my routine, very slow and unambitious, but did it over the course of one year. I stopped only because we moved to another part of town, but then I took a stray dog in in October, and now we take walks to a nearby park with her. I took nutrition specialist advice as to how to eat well and balanced, and for a whole year I monitored my food intake and sometimes when I did not even feel as a person, I knew there was this one thing that keeps me feeling as part of this world. Food:) I also always had some new hobby or a language to learn. Through Duolingo, par example, or just listening to some Youtubers. Sometimes I could not do even that, but then I would go shopping online, as we have a local version of Ebay, and one can get hilariously cheep stuff there. I do not recommend it otherwise, especially if you are obsessive as I am, it just happened that everything was super cheap. So, as I always enjoyed looking for styling tips - like hairstyles, dresses, interior design, lifestyle products, everything that people take for granted in their lives and their homes, I tried to also shop along these lines. I am passionate about recycling, so I never buy new clothes. I bought over 150 dresses in the last three years through this Ebay-look alike, none of them was more than 5 EUR, usually just 2 EUR piece. I changed my hairstyle and hair colour probably ten times. I tried to find my stile, I somehow deliberately tested as to who do I really feel I am. I have written songs, not that they are any good, and short stories, and took pictures of things that made me inspired. It was often as a search as to who I am, who other people around me who love me think I am, what I really like, what am I good at, etc.

I still have DP, but not all the time. Par example, did not have it during last week at all, and before that I had a terrible two-week onset of DPDR, because my birthday was in January, and holiday season also contributes to my DPDR worsening. But more and more I am certain that for me, it is all about letting myself feel the right feeling, no matter how difficult it is. And all these other things and activities, they just help me feel more connected to myself.

I would be glad to know what helps you.

Cheers,

Anna
 
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