[bigshowrocky]

Hi Everyone,

Sometimes I go through good periods where I am treated to a half normal existence and can do every day to day stuff and then there is times like now where I just want to sleep, literally just sleep and wake up when I am feeling better but most of the time I don't.

How do you all manage to get through life suffering like this? Dealing with jobs, families, personal life, how do you do it because I feel like a failure not being able to give my family the stuff I want to. They don't miss out on anything but in my mind I still feel like they do

Sean

 

[Aridity]

I don't,the only "Life" I have is gaming and laying in bed,no work,no job,no hobbies except gaming. It's just surviving each day just because we have that surviving instinct in our system. Nobody wants to die. But I have still hope after these many years of suffering I still have hope to get some relieve.

 

[Chip1021]

I don't,the only "Life" I have is gaming and laying in bed,no work,no job,no hobbies except gaming. It's just surviving each day just because we have that surviving instinct in our system. Nobody wants to die. But I have still hope after these many years of suffering I still have hope to get some relieve.

I don't know how people do it. I had issues with this when I was very young. I figured at a young age I would either be some academic (2with all the strange pseudo-intellectual thinking I did uncontrollably), or I would have great difficulty surviving. I tried very hard to make the former the case, but it didn't work out. It's hard to explain to people how you can do research and write a thesis but you can't put sandwiches together or work a cash register at a convenience store. Nowadays I just try to calm the mind chatter through tv and sometimes gaming, and try to make sure I'm eating and showering.

 

[PerfectFifth]

I don't know how people do it. I had issues with this when I was very young. I figured at a young age I would either be some academic (2with all the strange pseudo-intellectual thinking I did uncontrollably), or I would have great difficulty surviving. I tried very hard to make the former the case, but it didn't work out. It's hard to explain to people how you can do research and write a thesis but you can't put sandwiches together or work a cash register at a convenience store. Nowadays I just try to calm the mind chatter through tv and sometimes gaming, and try to make sure I'm eating and showering.

Even if you can't survive in an academic environment, it doesn't mean you shouldn't study or that you can't enjoy learning at your own pace. Read as much as you can about topics that interest you, digest and think on what you've learned, be open yet critical about it, be curious. It's not a competition, and learning isn't confined to schools. In fact, your environment may be even better for learning than being in school because you're not distracted by mundane affairs.

I find that the psychological distress DP/DR has put me through, including having been on the brink of suicide multiple times, has given me immense insights. I almost consider it a gift (though it's more of a trade-off because I'm somewhat crippled when it comes to functioning in society) because it enriched my inner world and widened my vision as to how I see everything. Every time I've hit rock bottom, I've gotten up as a better and more insightful person. It's also given me incredible self-awareness. Through DP/DR I've learned to see that virtually every, if not every, aspect of life also has a good side, even if it looks bad on the surface level. DP/DR itself is not an exception: it is a gateway to personal growth. I suffer because of it every day, but that suffering is what makes me think and feeds into my growth.

DP/DR made me who I am today.

 

[Chip1021]

Even if you can't survive in an academic environment, it doesn't mean you shouldn't study or that you can't enjoy learning at your own pace. Read as much as you can about topics that interest you, digest and think on what you've learned, be open yet critical about it, be curious. It's not a competition, and learning isn't confined to schools. In fact, your environment may be even better for learning than being in school because you're not distracted by mundane affairs.

I find that the psychological distress DP/DR has put me through, including having been on the brink of suicide multiple times, has given me immense insights. I almost consider it a gift (though it's more of a trade-off because I'm somewhat crippled when it comes to functioning in society) because it enriched my inner world and widened my vision as to how I see everything. Every time I've hit rock bottom, I've gotten up as a better and more insightful person. It's also given me incredible self-awareness. Through DP/DR I've learned to see that virtually every, if not every, aspect of life also has a good side, even if it looks bad on the surface level. DP/DR itself is not an exception: it is a gateway to personal growth. I suffer because of it every day, but that suffering is what makes me think and feeds into my growth.

DP/DR made me who I am today.

I sometimes think this way too. And it does help me momentarily. For me, the DP/DR is not inherently all bad (though I could do without the cognitive and vision and dizziness issues, as well as the head pain and pressure). I do still enjoy academic pursuits, and it is a little easier without the pressure to perform. However, I do feel guilty about not working, and when I realize that my parents wont be able to support me forever, I get anxious and start thinking that I need to figure out how to "function in society", at least enough that I can take care of myself physically and financially. So there's always that conflict in my head: learn to live and accept and, yes, even enjoy my way of thinking, then realize that it is "dysfunctional" and feel compelled to change it for survival purposes (and perhaps also being able to make friends and enjoy social situations), Much conflict. That's why being in the academic environment was better: I still struggled with socializing, but I was around others who shared the same type of interests as me, and did have some friends (even if I didn't feel all that connected to them as people).

Don't know if that made much sense, haha.

 

[PerfectFifth]

I sometimes think this way too. And it does help me momentarily. For me, the DP/DR is not inherently all bad (though I could do without the cognitive and vision and dizziness issues, as well as the head pain and pressure). I do still enjoy academic pursuits, and it is a little easier without the pressure to perform. However, I do feel guilty about not working, and when I realize that my parents wont be able to support me forever, I get anxious and start thinking that I need to figure out how to "function in society", at least enough that I can take care of myself physically and financially. So there's always that conflict in my head: learn to live and accept and, yes, even enjoy my way of thinking, then realize that it is "dysfunctional" and feel compelled to change it for survival purposes (and perhaps also being able to make friends and enjoy social situations), Much conflict. That's why being in the academic environment was better: I still struggled with socializing, but I was around others who shared the same type of interests as me, and did have some friends (even if I didn't feel all that connected to them as people).

Don't know if that made much sense, haha.

Yeah, I struggle with the same things. The problem is that your unconscious doesn't always agree with your conscious, so more or less it's a constant tug-of-war, and yeah, it's hard not to worry about the future. To me, though, the worry is probably less because I'm lucky enough to live in a country where it's virtually impossible to end up homeless, unless you deliberately screw yourself over. Still, I realize my situation is far from stable, and I do feel guilty about not giving back to society. We shouldn't be too hard on ourselves, though, because it's not our will to be like this. The reason we're like this is unfortunate circumstances, out of our control, not out of spite. Thus, it's not reasonable or fair to be so hard on ourselves, but it's difficult not to be.

Anyway, I still feel that my life has some purpose and direction, and that is the pursuit of knowledge and wisdom.

 

[Chip1021]

Yeah, I struggle with the same things. The problem is that your unconscious doesn't always agree with your conscious, so more or less it's a constant tug-of-war, and yeah, it's hard not to worry about the future. To me, though, the worry is probably less because I'm lucky enough to live in a country where it's virtually impossible to end up homeless, unless you deliberately screw yourself over. Still, I realize my situation is far from stable, and I do feel guilty about not giving back to society. We shouldn't be too hard on ourselves, though, because it's not our will to be like this. The reason we're like this is unfortunate circumstances, out of our control, not out of spite. Thus, it's not reasonable or fair to be so hard on ourselves, but it's difficult not to be.

Anyway, I still feel that my life has some purpose and direction, and that is the pursuit of knowledge and wisdom.

I feel like we've begun to hijack bigshowrocky's thread, so I kind of think it would be polite to end our personal conversation here. Just wanted to respond by saying I very much live in a "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" country (probably not hard to guess which one). I'm always on the defensive about my disability status, having to prove it, and demonstrate I'm getting "treatment" to continue getting support (the fact that there is no treatment that works is apparently irrelevant). I've never been a fully functional adult before this happened, so I'm not really sure what to say when they ask me what I "used to be able to do"...um, I used to be in school struggling to read and memorize and do math and write essays.

But I agree with everything you wrote above. I always felt that my "purpose" was the pursuit of knowledge and wisdom. It's sort of been my entire raison d'etre. It's especially humbling when you start asking epistemological questions: how do we know what we claim to know? But that's the truly fascinating stuff.

Anyways, sorry to the OP if we've been hogging the conversation.

 

[bigshowrocky]

Hey I am so sorry for late reply. My baby was due yesterday but didn't show up but we had to go hospital for check ups and stuff and all is okay, he just has bad timing like his dad lol

I am so thankful for your input and it is really invaluable to me to hear how other people get through.

Do you ever feel like your losing your mind as I get that so much and it stops me in my tracks!

 

[Chip1021]

Hey I am so sorry for late reply. My baby was due yesterday but didn't show up but we had to go hospital for check ups and stuff and all is okay, he just has bad timing like his dad lol

I am so thankful for your input and it is really invaluable to me to hear how other people get through.

Do you ever feel like your losing your mind as I get that so much and it stops me in my tracks!

You might have to be more specific with that. I mean, you can't "lose your mind" like you can lose your car keys, for example.

And congrats on the baby!

 

[OnMyOwn]

I try my best on not letting it get to me or limit what i do but there is times i suffer and wonder why i feel this way.

 

[InV]

Well,DP/DR destroyed my whole life, i´m crippled,i have no gf,no job,no peace and joy,nothing.Just pure torture 24/7. I manage to live with it by sitting at home all the time and by distracting myself with videogames and music.

 

[bigshowrocky]

Hey guys this is exactly what I am talking about. Like I will see a email I am meant to reply to and I just am that slow cognitively, that I just overlook it. I don't mean to....it just happens. I feel for everyone of you I really do as this has brought me to my knees and I sometimes think I will never get up but then I realise that I have felt better before and nothing lasts forever so I hold on. There is no easy way out I know that for sure.

Don't ever give up guys....don't see DP/DR as an enemy as then its stronger in your mind then and you will notice it more.....somehow, someway we have to carry on alongside it. I swear that is the key to getting rid of it as I had it twice before this and I carried on working and doing stuff and it went away within a week.

 

[Chip1021]

Hey guys this is exactly what I am talking about. Like I will see a email I am meant to reply to and I just am that slow cognitively, that I just overlook it. I don't mean to....it just happens. I feel for everyone of you I really do as this has brought me to my knees and I sometimes think I will never get up but then I realise that I have felt better before and nothing lasts forever so I hold on. There is no easy way out I know that for sure.

Don't ever give up guys....don't see DP/DR as an enemy as then its stronger in your mind then and you will notice it more.....somehow, someway we have to carry on alongside it. I swear that is the key to getting rid of it as I had it twice before this and I carried on working and doing stuff and it went away within a week.

I had the same issue when i was working. I struggled to read the email in the first placeX. Then, after maybe 4 times going over it, I just couldn't think of what I was supposed to do with the information. And much similar stuff. Have no idea how ineven kept that job as I barely did anything. I think they felt sorry for me. Anyways, I realized I couldn't put up with work anymore. Just ask emotional distance is unfair in trying to have a romantic relationship, it's unfair to some company that they should pay me for doing practically nothing.