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How do I know I'm not controlled by an outside force? How do I know I'm the one making choices? How can I be sure life exists outside my mind?

Problem is no matter what people say I don't feel the same passion for life since finding out these ideas that are out there and can't be proven.
 

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Oh life definitely exists outside your mind. How do I know ? Because a woman can’t get herself pregnant lmao !!! But I know what you’re saying. It’s weird before I had DP I had the same thoughts one time I was like is what’s behind me actually behind me or is it when I just turn around but it’s irrational thoughts. Right now your mind is messed up right now, mine is too. Idk what caused this for you but if it was a panic attack like it was me, then your brain’s trying to protect you right now. Unfortunately it won’t flicker off because the thoughts keep it fueling. It’s messed up but everything is real !!
 

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Oh life definitely exists outside your mind. How do I know ? Because a woman can’t get herself pregnant lmao !!! But I know what you’re saying. It’s weird before I had DP I had the same thoughts one time I was like is what’s behind me actually behind me or is it when I just turn around but it’s irrational thoughts. Right now your mind is messed up right now, mine is too. Idk what caused this for you but if it was a panic attack like it was me, then your brain’s trying to protect you right now. Unfortunately it won’t flicker off because the thoughts keep it fueling. It’s messed up but everything is real !!
 

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How do I know I'm not controlled by an outside force? How do I know I'm the one making choices? How can I be sure life exists outside my mind?

Problem is no matter what people say I don't feel the same passion for life since finding out these ideas that are out there and can't be proven.
Your Anxiety/DP is going to cause existential rumination.

If it makes you feel better...

A - there's people who are way smarter than you or I who spend their entire lives debating these ideas - which means there's still an argument on whichever side you hope is true.

B - there's no way to prove any of it, it's beyond our capacity - so it's like a dog barking at waves because it doesn't understand the ocean.

I had existential ruminations about time, existence, and free will - and eventually when I got all the planets aligned in my head (via getting my panic disorder and DP under control by learning anxiety coping mechanisms) so I was functioning like a human again, I just came to believe in duality and just stopped trying to understand things - because in addition to the two points above, it's a little tiring and futile.

By duality I mean... things are, and they aren't at the same time.

Yes we're a superorganism, but you're also an individual.

Yes, you're both insignificant, but also incredibly important.

It's like the yin yang - is it black with a white dot or white with a black dot... it's both at the same time.

Everyone wonders about these existential questions, it's what helps find your own "individual" meaning - but it is only useful if it's not spiraling rumination.

I believe wondering about these things from an un-anxious mind produces feelings of wonder, awe, and creativity.

From the anxious mind we get nihilism and rumination. And really that's because a mind in panic has no use for pondering the most complex questions we'll never be able to know - but since there's no tiger chasing you and you're probably a very intelligent individual (I can tell because those who tend toward philosophic rumination tend to be) you've now confused the wires in your brain and ascribed your anxiety to the next thing you fear the most - and that's these deeper questions all humans have a little anxiety about (but a "normal" healthy creative inspiring amount.)
 

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If you were being controlled by an outside force it wouldn't let you question it. The very act of your rumination is proof.

The reason why you're thinking like this is because the anxious and DP mind has like 0 tolerance for the unknown and unknowable. We're all a little fucked on here in our own ways, try to view these ruminations as just the thoughts they are. Believe me i know how hard this is and how hard they hit, but the only way is to not put all your belief and attention into them. Then, they will fade
 
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