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Dear Dreamers,

I would love to share to you all my experience with Derealization. For one thing, I would like to say I honestly believe DP/DR is one of the scariest things to ever happen on this planet. If any of you have conquered this crazy shit, you are one strong cookie. If you are still feeling unreal, distorted, or any symptoms from DP/DR i salute you as well for still holding on and trying to get your life back!! Welp, here is how it all went down for me...smh

One day in the Summer of 2014, i woke up and felt completely different. I was afraid I was going to go through what had happened to me in high school all over again (dizziness/vertigo, hospitalized). Instead, this felt different. I felt like as if I was in a dream. I didn't freak out right away as I was thinking, "I always am dizzy in the morning." After I got dressed and headed to my car, I realized the feeling was still there. As i drove to my school, I got out the car and stood in the parking lot. All those cars... I never felt overwhelmed by being in a huge parking lot of cars. The unreal-world feeling was still there. I went to my classes, headed home, still there. To get to the point, I am still suffering from Derealization (feelings dream-like, unreal). This is the worst feeling ever. I cannot enjoy anything. I wake up every day it is still like this to the moment I sleep. It has been at least two years of this suffering. This is not episodes I live through this 24/7 every day. It gets worst when I try to work out, eat certain foods, and in the dark. I hate the dark. And it never was a problem until I felt unreal. I hate being in a movie theater. I can't really go clubbing or partying now and I didn't at all in high school. I have social issue now. I can be looking at someone and have trouble comprehending what they are talking about. I feel like I am just a robot struggling to have human mannerisms, emotions, and functioning. I feel socially awkward. I am so out of body that I feel like I can run down the street naked and not care. I do not feel consequences. The only emotions I ever get is feeling like shit that I am going through this. In the beginning I really gave my all trying to take classes and apply to small businesses such as commission jobs. One place I only had two days of training and couldn't even continue because during training I had to memorize things. It was a small marketing job and in the room the manager was playing loud music while trying to teach us how to go over the hockey tickets we were selling. We did basic greetings and how to sell to the customer. I could not even multi-task and concentrate. It was a nightmare trying to repeat things and interact with people. When we went around other businesses I had trouble telling people the prices and about the product. I feel like I use harshly 2% of my freaking brain. I am always confused and lost. I been in a 5 year relationship and it has been hell. I could have a career by now with a house with him but instead I been at home every day not knowing if I will ever recover. I haven't been in school for like two semesters. I can't hold a job. It is too hard to interact with people. I can go on
Smile Sky Font Gas Vehicle registration plate

So you all know my story. I wish I knew what to do. I am tired of living like this and feeling so alone. My next post will be on what all I have tried to take already and my blood tests, etc. Thank you so much for reading this or attempting to. My writing, reading, and speech is horrible so please bare with me. Please leave any comments, questions, and answers! Any advice or feedback is the best
Keep living strong, love Demi
 
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