How can I cope with fearing I don't have a soul?

This is so much stressful. I get overwhelmed with intense waves of guilt and panic that I don't really have a soul or a center, or something that I genuinely love that makes me "me" like... I get anxiety as I analyze my life til now and I fear like I Always acted as an observer in my mind, someone who contemplates situations and ideas and just love to be admired, or watched from outside. When I get a hobby or a passion, or everything, it's like I care most about I get perceived that just caring about what I'm experiencing this makes me freaks out, I don't wanna feel like a monster or like there's something wrong with me.. everytime I use to like/love something or someone, or get pain or everything I feel like I have to dig deeper and analyze the real patterns and intentions in me, how I function inside.. it's hard to explain, I fear I Always had something fucked up about me and never acknowledged