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How can I cope with fearing I don't have a soul?

785 Views 3 Replies 4 Participants Last post by  Luke1414
This is so much stressful. I get overwhelmed with intense waves of guilt and panic that I don't really have a soul or a center, or something that I genuinely love that makes me "me" like... I get anxiety as I analyze my life til now and I fear like I Always acted as an observer in my mind, someone who contemplates situations and ideas and just love to be admired, or watched from outside. When I get a hobby or a passion, or everything, it's like I care most about I get perceived that just caring about what I'm experiencing :( this makes me freaks out, I don't wanna feel like a monster or like there's something wrong with me.. everytime I use to like/love something or someone, or get pain or everything I feel like I have to dig deeper and analyze the real patterns and intentions in me, how I function inside.. it's hard to explain, I fear I Always had something fucked up about me and never acknowledged :(
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I've always felt like I don't have a soul either, or if I do, it's hidden somewhere deep down inside me and I can't readily access it.

As to how to cope with it, I'm not exactly sure. Right now my energies are focused on trying to get my brain to function well enough that I can work and move out of my parents' house, though I don't know if I need to figure out the soul thing first because how can I work with people if I can't relate to them like normal people do? It's just an endless "chicken or egg" situation that doesn't seem to have any solution.
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