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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This post will turn into a bit of an essay I think, but I will attempt to keep it coherent and easy to read.

I have three points: One regarding hidden memories another regarding what sense you find most dissociated, and lastly, feelings.

Do any of you know anything about hidden memories? I won't go into detail as I will be here all night otherwise - but I just cannot shake this feeling that there is something at the back of my mind trying to bring itself to the light, as it were. This started months ago, but I just cannot fathom what it could be. I've tried thinking if maybe anything happened to me when I was little but cannot think of anything, and neither can my parents (Or so they say). I don't know if it is anything sinister or maybe something innocent I have misintepreted. A couple of days ago I had a feeling I came so close to finding out what it was, I don't know why it literally just came to me. Maybe I had a dream I can't remember - maybe birth memories or something like that - again, I'm not meaning to sound melodramatic.

Whether I am just clutching at straws to find out why I have always felt odd for my whole life (I don't mean DP/DR - I'm trying not to be melodramatic) - just...odd. I've never really felt myself I don't think. It's so hard to remember - hense these two topics seem to tie in, in my case at least. I'm really struggling with who I am at the moment, I just feel trapped. Of course when I look back at my memories they all feel disociated now, as you'd expect.

Now, the senses. Which sense do you find most affected? For me, it is my sight. My sense of smell isn't really ffected at all - and hearing is in the middle. Touch is fine as far as I know, as is taste - although obviously I feel sick when suffering anxiety and feeling down can make food taste less pleasant than normal. One thing I would just point out is that my voice has never really seemed my own - I don't like my voice (who does?) but especially now it just seems to come from somewhere else.

Finally, I just want to try and get an understanding of 'feelings'. I'm really struggling with this, so please be patient with me - I have spoken to 'AlanUK' about this, but I feel I owe it to everyone to do my best to explain so that maybe others can identify. This may be a tricky read, so please accpet my apologies in advance.


It seems that, wherever I am, whatever I'm doing, whoever I'm with, I have these 'feelings' most of the time - not all of the time, but most. This I know I have had my whole life, or most of it anyway.

Unexplainable feelings that literally seem to involve me entirely - in some ways they are almost physical, like an actual feeling in my head. In other ways, they are just the mood I am in. And in other ways, they are the 'atmosphere' of the situation I am in.

Now this may be entirely normal - I literally don't know. I've always wondered - I've always wondered if I percieve things the same way as other people, and vice versa. A bit of a double adged sword - It felt like I was sensing something 'extra special' - but what's the point when it makes me feel strange because I can't explain it, and if other people can't relate.

They normally seem slightly oppresive, though. I remember having it back when I was quite young, seeing an elderly relative. There was just something I didn't like. It seemed wrong - they seemed so sad, old, and lonely.

Another example was this summer, when my folks went away and I was on my own for the first time (The summer before, my mum was upset about leaving me alone as I was on betablockers but not seeing a counseller. Everything seemed different - the 'feeling' of the house. Everything seemed to 'come together' to create a feeling - i mean this literally - everything. If it had been winter, the feeling would have been different. I know this may be due to simply being alone but it felt like so much more - I'm really doing my best to explain it. It was an all over feeling for the whole time I was at home, and they were away.

Of course what with the thoughts that go with DP I spend a lot of my time thinking about getting old.

There are other examples, but I've waffled enough. If you have got this far, thankyou so much, and I hope it made sense - please post if you have anything at all to say, even just clarification of something I have written.
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