[reeeccough]

Long time lurker here. Talking 4 years by now, thought what better time to post than when you're in the middle of a relapse.
I thought I'd seen the worst of it, but I probably feel the worst I ever have right now. Dissociation is at an all-time high, if I don't distract myself I'll start dissociating and questioning everything about existence. Other symptoms are heavy visual snow, tinnitus, general anxiety and hypochondria (both physical and mental illness).
Like many here, mine started with drug use (I was 19 at that point) It got slowly better over time, but the pandemic really fucked me over again. Hobbies are gaming, piano (when I feel like it which is very rarely now because of tinnitus among other things), cooking and going for walks/hikes.
I'm 23 and already feel like my life's basically reached a dead end, I don't know what to do. Hope to at least find some comfort in knowing other people struggling with the same thing I do exist out there somewhere... I used to be so joyful but I hardly recognize myself anymore.

 

[Ellenarthur]

Hello, I am a relapser very much like you. It’s important to remember those things that dragged you out of it before and repeat them now, however hard that might be. Negative thoughts only prolong the suffering. I have relapsed and fully recovered 4 times over the 6 years since I developed this condition and it always goes the same way. It’s absolutely awful but it’s not a life sentence and you will feel like yourself again when you slowly start acting like yourself again and telling your panicked brain that there is nothing wrong.

 

[reeeccough]

Hello, I am a relapser very much like you. It’s important to remember those things that dragged you out of it before and repeat them now, however hard that might be. Negative thoughts only prolong the suffering. I have relapsed and fully recovered 4 times over the 6 years since I developed this condition and it always goes the same way. It’s absolutely awful but it’s not a life sentence and you will feel like yourself again when you slowly start acting like yourself again and telling your panicked brain that there is nothing wrong.

Yeah, I'm just starting to work out again and it really helps to ground me. I know rationally there's no reason it won't get better again, but it's very hard to tell yourself that when you're going through a rough patch.
Thanks for the reply though, nice to see someone in a similar position. (although I am very sorry to hear that you're suffering, hope you get better soon 🙏)

 

[Ellenarthur]

Yeah, I'm just starting to work out again and it really helps to ground me. I know rationally there's no reason it won't get better again, but it's very hard to tell yourself that when you're going through a rough patch.
Thanks for the reply though, nice to see someone in a similar position. (although I am very sorry to hear that you're suffering, hope you get better soon 🙏)

 

[Ellenarthur]

It’s super tough. The disappointment of spending a long time completely normal to find yourself back here again is the worst. That said, each time there is a little more understanding and a little less fear. Do you have a job ? I know working is horrible when feeling like this but the routine can bring a lot of relief in time.