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Hi, my name is Matheus, Brazillian, 22years old. First, english isnt my first language so forgive me if there are any mistakes on this post.

Well, i found this forum by visiting wikipedia, it wasnt the first time but this time i just felt like "oh, maybe i can learn something or hear something i havent by doing this, and probably people would comprehend me better because they have the same issues.)

Well then, i got depersonalization after: I was a mormon (mostly of times i was obligated to follow this religion because of my parents, when i was 18 i left). I'm a kissless person (i think that's important/relevant/has something to do, because it frustrated me during all my adolescence, so virgin). I've lost the chance of having something romantic with some girls and that affected me a lot. I'm not ugly and i have a nice voice, people always complimented for that.

Through the time, i met many people, some of them even considered me as a friend, because usually i dont expect compensation while doing something for them, i'd just do because i want to do, no second intentions. Today i lost touch w/all of them, so, i have no friends today, i change my personality from 6 to 6 months, it's my fault i know, but it's not entirely my fault.

I was studying one day and ask one of my colleagues to bring cannabis one day (i've smoked that years ago, it felt great, but since then i had some problems (including depression) so i wanted to see if things were like before again. I felt like crap, it was horrible, i sweared to myself, i would never smoke this again (in comparison on what happened when i smoked cannabis when i was a teen).

Since a long time i had some problems with migraine, then, after two days i smoked cannabis i felt a migraine that lasted 12 hours, then this weird feeling started. (numbness on face, around the eyes and feeling this reality irrealistic).

Well, being short here, usually, when you meet a person you feel that you "click" with that person, i lost this ability long ago and today i have no friends, today i've met some people that i havent seen for almost 10 years, tried to keep the relation, but meh, it didnt worked like i expected, because DP changed me. It's not bad exactly, someway, it just added a layer on my thoughts and made myself think cleary or added steps while doing something, it even improved my ability of creating mental algorithms. (in general)

It's been 3 years since i started feeling like this.

In the beginning i thought an entity was messing with me, when i realized/discovered what was dp and that it fits exactly what i'm feeling, it was a shock.

I finished high school last year and now i study Analysis and Development of Systems, it's been hard because of DP and searching for internal motivation. Obviously, having DP affects this because some people things i'm very strange (although they "respect" me because i've accumulated a lot of knowledge by reading and self introspection, they say general knowledge in my country)

In the last two weeks i had fights w/mom/sister complaining that i've endured somethings longer than them and i dont treat them bad like they do (if you guys want to ask about my familly, i have no problems on doing it) in short, they never tried to compreehend me, even though they know i have DP.

Mom just found an psychologist to seek help. I think i'm on my limit on what i can do.

I'm really a vanilla guy when it comes about romantic matters, but not having a girlfriend, friends and not knowing what to do really hurts me sometimes, I really dont need a GF now, i just want someone who'd try to comprehend me. I dont mind some people are stupid against me because they're not under my skin, i usually form a bond or a strong memory on someone's mind, (i aways say how i appreciate politeness, but they dont look like they care).

Anyway, sorry for this long post, i just wrote what i felt. See you guys in the future.
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