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Hi, I'm new

529 Views 0 Replies 1 Participant Last post by  Debora17
Hey guys, I am new here. I discovered this forum yesterday while I was doing what I am doing every day : googling about depersonalization/derealization and reading the same things about it over and over, which doesn't help me at all.

I've had this condition since I was 13 and I'm 23 now, so you can tell that I've had this disorder for quite a long period of my life. I've never used drugs, I've never even gotten drunk, so I guess anxiety is the only trigger in my case. It took me 4 years to find out what I was suffering with and I still haven't figured out which is which. When dpdr first occurred the symptoms were more physical : I felt like my body was under anesthesia, my tongue was numb, later I started to have vision problems (derealization I guess) that were different every time they occurred. Sometimes my vision was darkened, sometimes it was blurry, I was unable to focus on things, they seemed artificial. The non-physical episode lasted for three months and it was rather focused on my perception of the world and my surroundings. It has nothing to do with my body or vision. So, these episodes of dpdr would disappear on their own and reappear when I was really anxious (since dp happens due to stress) and when I wouldn't get enough sleep. They seemed different and new to me every time. They lasted for the maximum of one day and no matter how scary they were, they were bearable and I didn't have to seek help, I didn't even speak to my parents and friends. I was handling them on my own and even thought that I had completely recovered.

But this condition escalated in June. All of a sudden I got the feeling that I was in a dream and it happened in a moment like it usually does. Why I feel hopeless now is because it hasn't stopped since then. I see well, yet I feel that my sight is darkened. I read a book and feel like I am reading that book in a dream. I do everything without living it, it’s like I am doing it with closed eyes and I am only imagining what I am doing. No blurred vision, just lack of reality. I see things and colors but it’s like they are floating. No sharpness. Like I am in a lucid dream I can’t wake up from. It’s crazy. It got even worse these days, because I started to feel like a ghost. If I pinch my skin I’ll feel something but when I am resting I feel absolutely nothing. Like I don’t exist. I am afraid that it will never pass like it used to anymore. I don’t know if I should see a psychiatrist, since I live in a country in the Balkans where there is so little awareness on these topics.

I would be very thankful if you share your experience especially about the part with the weird vision and give advice about what medication you use. Thanks in advance!
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