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I'm going to try my best to describe what I'm going through. I know I've made a couple posts here already but I'm just so scared. It's a feeling as though nothing but everything is wrong at the same time, if that makes sense at all.

I've had a couple bouts of DP/DR before over the past 6 years and I'm not quite sure if it back. Can anyone help me to determine if it DP again?

It feels like I've never lived before? I have almost no emotional connection to the people I KNOW I love. I can barely make any "pictures" in my mind. Even when I do they're so far away and dont feel like it's coming from my mind. I dont really have many memories of my past before the past couple weeks that this started. I just seem to know "facts" about myself but they dont carry any meaning. Anything that happens to me during the day feels like it didnt happen, like I went to work earlier but barely remember it and feels like it never happened. Sleeping is the absolute WORST, it's super hard to fall asleep, it's just uncomfortable and when I eventually do I only get about 4 hours MAX. I dont remember what it's like to feel in the moment with reality, or being "grounded" I guess.

I went through a traumatic loss of my boyfriend a couple weeks ago and it feels like it didnt happen? I want to go to therapy and try EMDR maybe or something, maybe the trauma is causing my DP? Idk. Idk how I'm supposed to process the trauma if it didnt even feel like my boyfriend existed and I don't have many memories with him. Its terrying really. Chronic "blank mind"

I dont have any visual symptoms or many physical, sometimes I'll get the "spaced out" feeling but it's never chronic.

OH I also HATE being alone, when I try to sleep I always have to have my dog by me or something. Why is this happening?

I'm scared I'll be like this forever
 
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