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Discussion Starter · #1 ·

It has been well over a year since I have visited and posted. I could have sworn that my screen name was "horizon", or very similar, but I could not login so I re-registered.

The site looks really slick.

First of all, in the event anyone remembers me....I live in San Francisco, was hit hard with derealization symptoms, Janine suggested I go for it after I asked if wellbutrin might be a good option for me (this was probably 2 years ago) and it was very helpful. I had some good chats in the chatroom with Soulbrotha about sports, music and similar wonderful things that help us continue on and not fall all the way into the abyss.

As for my current situation
I am doing pretty well. When I became less involved in the board I was on my way back into my consulting work. Challenging work for an entirely mentally healthy person (not that "anyone" is of perfect mental health) but I felt added challenges after being away from full-time work for a while and the very strange and disconcerting experience of doing something "so familiar" yet so foreign at the same time, which so many of us can relate to.

With time it has gotten easier. I would even say that I have largely recovered from DP/DR, but to be specific I was much more "DR" than DP. "Recovery" for me doesn't mean a sudden release from the all-consuming nature of DP/DR. I would say it feels like a combination of symptoms actually "disappearing" which is wonderful and what we hope for so much. They haven't all disappeared though, but rather are no longer at the forefront. Some I might say have become a part of me, in the same way that a scar from a deep cut becomes a part of you. At first it is glaringly obvious. You see it all of the time. Maybe you obsess about it some..."why did i cut myself and end up with this hideous scar! I want it to go away!" With time the scar does fade, and become "less", but it never is totally absent. At the same time one focuses on it less as a "change" to the self, but comes to accept it as part of oneself, and non-threatening. It just becomes less apparent and you don't think about it much.

So that is my longwinded and protracted summary of my current state :)

I still deal with some depression and continue to work on that. I am curious by nature and like trying new things (meds, supplements, or other possibilities). I do plenty of research so I have never been one to blindly pop a pill a doc gives me without understanding it.

I am of the basic philosophy for myself, and often suggest to others, that "whatever works for you" go with the flow and do what is best for yourself. For me this has meant meds, supplements, definitely excercise, outlets I enjoy like playing plenty of music and sports. Although I get so busy with work I really have to force myself to keep that stuff up. It's easy to forget how much it helps until you hit a little wall after being an office junkie for months and realize what you are missing.

Anyway, nice to chat with you all again.....and new folks as well.

have a good one

Discussion Starter · #3 ·
hey.. everything you said makes so much since...i know i focus to much on my dr feelings and keep the cycle going.... i too have welbrutin but im cant seem to get myself to take it fearing what side affects it might have..i have a fear of meds... well i just might give it a chance..i have lost enjoyment in all the simple things i used to do.. this worries me so much..i dont know if its depression from the dr feelings i have all the time or what..i can do anything i want but its like i do it without feelings or enjoyment.. does this make any since? i do know the less attention we give the dr the less power or affect they have on use.. if i could just enjoy a feeling i think i would get better... Doug

Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Hey Doug.

Makes sense to me.

Plenty of things bothered me that I obsessed about....but one of the primary ones is what you mentioned. Simply obsessing and worrying about not being able to enjoy something simple.

I had several months when I could barely bring myself to read. "Words" looked different and strange. I couldn't get past the strangeness of reading, and felt like i had lost the capacity to ever enjoy reading.

Hiking...going for walks. Simple things that were pleasurable, felt entirely empty.

I do enjoy these things now, although at the time it seemed impossible to ever be able to again. The immediate state we are in can feel so "permanent" but it isn't permanent. We are obsessive types and let things linger more than others =) This can be a "good thing" sometimes, but not for us in the DP/DR state.

I am not fearful of meds, but many of us are fearful and I can see why.

In terms of wellbutrin specifics....I never liked how i felt on SSRIs. Sometimes they seemed to worsen my symptoms, although in some cases they certainly helped. Wellbrutrin is generally regarded to be more on the stimulating and motivating side of the AD spectrum. I do know this, my anxiety worsened during the first few weeks on some SSRIs. It never got worse on wellbutrin. So for me it was lack of side effects, and a smoother ride that made it easy to start. I felt kind of "caffeinated" but I like caffiene/coffee...always have...and feeling a little wired is something I like, whereas for some it is very uncomfortable.

I also found that provigil was helpful for me personally. I still take wellbutrin and provigil, but lower doses than in the past.

Well...those are some thoughts. If you have questions let me know.

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