[WorryGirl]

Hi everyone, I just joined today. Wanted to just quickly share my story.
I've been dealing with depression, anxiety, OCD and a personality disorder for years.
I'm on antidepressants and benzo's. Tapering off the benzos.
The dpdr started for me, after I tried to taper off my antidepressant. I got panic attacks from withdrawal (bad ones: shaking, loss of muscle control, throwing up every morning), took Oxazepam to cope. Rapidly tapered off of benzos. Everything seemed fine. Dosage of antidepressant gradually upped again, to former dose. Two weeks relatively 'stable'. Anxiety remained. But then, one thursday night, I felt weird. Thought I was just tired and I'd sleep it off. Next day it had gotten worse. Brain fog, problems with my eyesight, everything looked 'dull'/2D, couldn't focus, memory was bad, couldn't feel my body, couldn't recognise myself in the mirror... Oh, and that terrible sensation of 'maybe I'm going crazy/ going to lose myself entirely'! That was horrible! Absolutely terrifying. And my emotions went away. I was scared, but I'm not unfamiliar with psychiatric diseases. My older brother suffers from a number of them. In fact, he has described this exact same feeling to me in the past. So I went online and quickly found out, what was wrong with me: dpdr... Now, in hindsight, I think I was already having mild dpdr 'episodes', if you could call it that.
My senses seemed a bit 'off' at times, couldn't really taste my food sometimes, only smelled really strong things etc. My emotions were a little flat, but I blamed the antidepressants. Sometimes I got a 'weird feeling' at night, when the lights inside came on, but it always went away. And I was starting to lose interest in things I enjoyed before, blamed anxiety. But never lost the connection with myself/ the world. Until that thursday.
I came here, because I'm curious what you think about my story. I went back on benzos once I got the dpdr, thought it would help. Tapering off. Am on supplements: omega 3, phosfatidylserine, magnesiumbisglycinate, B vitamines and multivitamines. Any thoughts on that? I've had dpdr for about 3 / 3,5 weeks now. It has gotten a little bit better. Brain fog isn't so severe anymore. Sometimes I'll suddenly feel something. I can feel my body again, still a bit numb, but it's there. I can focus on conversations relatively well again. Memory is a bit better. Inner voice sometimes is back, although faint. At night, I'll usually feel better? Anyone recognise that? I would love any advice, any insight, any theories on why it happened. ☺ Oh, by the way, I can't eat properly. Nausea... Mornings are worst, at night I usually can eat something? Seems to follow the exact same pattern as during the panic attacks? Any advice on that? ☺ And there's one other thing, I've been extremely sleepy. Trouble waking up/staying awake? Psychiatrist blames Oxazepam?
Sorry for the long story! But I'm just scared and looking for some answers, I guess...

 

[coolwhip27]

Well first off there’s nothing to be scared of. Also you seem to have very good recall, describing what you’ve gone through recently very precisely. As far as figuring out why it happened/what made it happen, none of us will be able to tell you. You have other mental health disorders which are all common among sufferers here, so it only makes sense all that is interrelated. But when you hit the wall and experienced depersonalization, did you feel a lot of fear? Have you ever noticed your mind freaking out and perpetually becoming more and more scared until you’re completely numb? Depersonalization first timers are often very scared. Fear plays a lead role in all this. I experience anxiety but deep rooted fear of going crazy I hardly have anymore. It’s important to understand the basic fact that fear of going crazy is what makes you think you are.

 

[WorryGirl]

Hi coolwhip27!
No, that's what makes it so weird... I was relatively fine for like two weeks after withdrawal symptoms from tapering off antidepressants. I had anxiety and felt tired and a bit 'flat' after two weeks of panic attacks. But there wasn't a moment of intense fear, that triggered the dp. Could it be related to the withdrawal from antidepressants (and simultaniously, from benzos; quick taper after short use)? When I 'hit the wall' as you put it, I was super scared. I was hyper alert, constantly checking if I was still there, so to say. There was this fear of going crazy, losing myself. And more recently, there is the fear of that sleepiness I was talking about. I'm afraid, I won't be able to stay awake at all. Is that something that comes from the dp? Or is it the meds? Weirdest thing though? OCD has completely vanished, as dpdr hit...? This is such a weird experience!

 

[coolwhip27]

Hi coolwhip27!
No, that's what makes it so weird... I was relatively fine for like two weeks after withdrawal symptoms from tapering off antidepressants. I had anxiety and felt tired and a bit 'flat' after two weeks of panic attacks. But there wasn't a moment of intense fear, that triggered the dp. Could it be related to the withdrawal from antidepressants (and simultaniously, from benzos; quick taper after short use)? When I 'hit the wall' as you put it, I was super scared. I was hyper alert, constantly checking if I was still there, so to say. There was this fear of going crazy, losing myself. And more recently, there is the fear of that sleepiness I was talking about. I'm afraid, I won't be able to stay awake at all. Is that something that comes from the dp? Or is it the meds? Weirdest thing though? OCD has completely vanished, as dpdr hit...? This is such a weird experience!

It could be related to withdrawal but I’m not an expert on medication. I have pure o intrusive thought OCD and it does indeed fade away more with depersonalization. I think that’s because disassociation itself separates you from your thoughts. Your mind isn’t putting together OCD shit as much simply because thoughts seem less “real”. That’s what I figure anyway. But the less ocd the better. And that whole hyper alert state of fear is kind of a universal experience when it comes people with DP. Everything you’re describing is common here. The sleepiness and lack of energy is easily explained as a side effect of so much anxiety and panic.

 

[WorryGirl]

Thanks for answering my questions. It (weirdly) comforting to hear I'm not the only one... ☺ That I'm not alone in this.

 

[NoDevils]

You've gotta come off psych meds slowly if your body is habituated. If the medication was successfully treating you then going off may cause an increase in symptoms. Long term dependence on benzodiazepines can cause many problems in itself, which makes them better occasional or emergency medications.

 

[WorryGirl]

You've gotta come off psych meds your body is habituated to slowly.

I don't know what that means?
I'm in the process of coming off benzos. Tried to taper off antidepressants, went wrong. If I'm off benzos I might try a slow taper for the antidepressants.

 

[NoDevils]

I don't know what that means?
I'm in the process of coming off benzos. Tried to taper off antidepressants, went wrong. If I'm off benzos I might try a slow taper for the antidepressants.

Typo, sorry. Post is fixed now.

 

[WorryGirl]

I'm sorry, but what does that mean? 'Habituated to slowly'? Used to the meds? That's what makes me tired? Or are you referring to the dpdr? (I'm Dutch, my English isn't bad, but not excellent either...)☺

 

[coolwhip27]

I'm sorry, but what does that mean? 'Habituated to slowly'? Used to the meds? That's what makes me tired? Or are you referring to the dpdr? (I'm Dutch, my English isn't bad, but not excellent either...)☺

Habituated means accustomed to, so you were right. He’s just saying you need to go off those slowly.

 

[WorryGirl]

Habituated means accustomed to, so you were right. He’s just saying you need to go off those slowly.

Oh, ok. I'm in the process of tapering off of benzos, with the help/advice of my psychiatrist. I was only on them for 3-4 weeks. No longer. She expects that the sleepiness goes away, once I stop taking them.

 

[Trith]

Oh, ok. I'm in the process of tapering off of benzos, with the help/advice of my psychiatrist. I was only on them for 3-4 weeks. No longer. She expects that the sleepiness goes away, once I stop taking them.

That makes sense. I did feel tired when I was on Seresta. I still occasionally use them once in a while because even a quarter of the dose I was prescribed helps me with insomnia.

 

[WorryGirl]

That makes sense. I did feel tired when I was on Seresta. I still occasionally use them once in a while because even a quarter of the dose I was prescribed helps me with insomnia.

Once I am off them, I'm planning to stay off. Thankfully, I'm not experiencing insomnia. Sorry to hear, that you are. Must be very difficult and frustrating... But dpdr is also known to cause fatigue, right? I'm hoping the sleepiness will go away once I'm off Oxazepam (is it called Seresta where you're from?). And I hope and pray, that the depersonalisation/derealisation will go away completely!

 

[Trith]

Once I am off them, I'm planning to stay off. Thankfully, I'm not experiencing insomnia. Sorry to hear, that you are. Must be very difficult and frustrating... But dpdr is also known to cause fatigue, right? I'm hoping the sleepiness will go away once I'm off Oxazepam (is it called Seresta where you're from?). And I hope and pray, that the depersonalisation/derealisation will go away completely!

Oh yes, I wanted to talk about benzos in general, but I see that Oxazepam is actually the same thing as Seresta. Thank you for your support, and I hope your DPDR goes away completely as well!
edit: I don't know if DPDR causes fatigue, but I wouldn't be surprised that they can come together, at least when stress is involved.

 

[WorryGirl]

A lot has happened in my life lately. So I wouldn't be surprised if everything-like stress indeed- just adds to the tired feeling.☺
I wish you all the best with everything you're going through!

 

[Dragoon909]

Hi everyone, I just joined today. Wanted to just quickly share my story.
I've been dealing with depression, anxiety, OCD and a personality disorder for years.
I'm on antidepressants and benzo's. Tapering off the benzos.
The dpdr started for me, after I tried to taper off my antidepressant. I got panic attacks from withdrawal (bad ones: shaking, loss of muscle control, throwing up every morning), took Oxazepam to cope. Rapidly tapered off of benzos. Everything seemed fine. Dosage of antidepressant gradually upped again, to former dose. Two weeks relatively 'stable'. Anxiety remained. But then, one thursday night, I felt weird. Thought I was just tired and I'd sleep it off. Next day it had gotten worse. Brain fog, problems with my eyesight, everything looked 'dull'/2D, couldn't focus, memory was bad, couldn't feel my body, couldn't recognise myself in the mirror... Oh, and that terrible sensation of 'maybe I'm going crazy/ going to lose myself entirely'! That was horrible! Absolutely terrifying. And my emotions went away. I was scared, but I'm not unfamiliar with psychiatric diseases. My older brother suffers from a number of them. In fact, he has described this exact same feeling to me in the past. So I went online and quickly found out, what was wrong with me: dpdr... Now, in hindsight, I think I was already having mild dpdr 'episodes', if you could call it that.
My senses seemed a bit 'off' at times, couldn't really taste my food sometimes, only smelled really strong things etc. My emotions were a little flat, but I blamed the antidepressants. Sometimes I got a 'weird feeling' at night, when the lights inside came on, but it always went away. And I was starting to lose interest in things I enjoyed before, blamed anxiety. But never lost the connection with myself/ the world. Until that thursday.
I came here, because I'm curious what you think about my story. I went back on benzos once I got the dpdr, thought it would help. Tapering off. Am on supplements: omega 3, phosfatidylserine, magnesiumbisglycinate, B vitamines and multivitamines. Any thoughts on that? I've had dpdr for about 3 / 3,5 weeks now. It has gotten a little bit better. Brain fog isn't so severe anymore. Sometimes I'll suddenly feel something. I can feel my body again, still a bit numb, but it's there. I can focus on conversations relatively well again. Memory is a bit better. Inner voice sometimes is back, although faint. At night, I'll usually feel better? Anyone recognise that? I would love any advice, any insight, any theories on why it happened. ☺ Oh, by the way, I can't eat properly. Nausea... Mornings are worst, at night I usually can eat something? Seems to follow the exact same pattern as during the panic attacks? Any advice on that? ☺ And there's one other thing, I've been extremely sleepy. Trouble waking up/staying awake? Psychiatrist blames Oxazepam?
Sorry for the long story! But I'm just scared and looking for some answers, I guess...

Hi everyone, I just joined today. Wanted to just quickly share my story.
I've been dealing with depression, anxiety, OCD and a personality disorder for years.
I'm on antidepressants and benzo's. Tapering off the benzos.
The dpdr started for me, after I tried to taper off my antidepressant. I got panic attacks from withdrawal (bad ones: shaking, loss of muscle control, throwing up every morning), took Oxazepam to cope. Rapidly tapered off of benzos. Everything seemed fine. Dosage of antidepressant gradually upped again, to former dose. Two weeks relatively 'stable'. Anxiety remained. But then, one thursday night, I felt weird. Thought I was just tired and I'd sleep it off. Next day it had gotten worse. Brain fog, problems with my eyesight, everything looked 'dull'/2D, couldn't focus, memory was bad, couldn't feel my body, couldn't recognise myself in the mirror... Oh, and that terrible sensation of 'maybe I'm going crazy/ going to lose myself entirely'! That was horrible! Absolutely terrifying. And my emotions went away. I was scared, but I'm not unfamiliar with psychiatric diseases. My older brother suffers from a number of them. In fact, he has described this exact same feeling to me in the past. So I went online and quickly found out, what was wrong with me: dpdr... Now, in hindsight, I think I was already having mild dpdr 'episodes', if you could call it that.
My senses seemed a bit 'off' at times, couldn't really taste my food sometimes, only smelled really strong things etc. My emotions were a little flat, but I blamed the antidepressants. Sometimes I got a 'weird feeling' at night, when the lights inside came on, but it always went away. And I was starting to lose interest in things I enjoyed before, blamed anxiety. But never lost the connection with myself/ the world. Until that thursday.
I came here, because I'm curious what you think about my story. I went back on benzos once I got the dpdr, thought it would help. Tapering off. Am on supplements: omega 3, phosfatidylserine, magnesiumbisglycinate, B vitamines and multivitamines. Any thoughts on that? I've had dpdr for about 3 / 3,5 weeks now. It has gotten a little bit better. Brain fog isn't so severe anymore. Sometimes I'll suddenly feel something. I can feel my body again, still a bit numb, but it's there. I can focus on conversations relatively well again. Memory is a bit better. Inner voice sometimes is back, although faint. At night, I'll usually feel better? Anyone recognise that? I would love any advice, any insight, any theories on why it happened. ☺ Oh, by the way, I can't eat properly. Nausea... Mornings are worst, at night I usually can eat something? Seems to follow the exact same pattern as during the panic attacks? Any advice on that? ☺ And there's one other thing, I've been extremely sleepy. Trouble waking up/staying awake? Psychiatrist blames Oxazepam?
Sorry for the long story! But I'm just scared and looking for some answers, I guess...

Hi there,
I've came off a benzo before: klonopin 0.5mg to 4mg after a decade of use.

It definitely depersonalized me for a while. The wd gets better and fades.

But in yoir case, it's hard to say what could he causing your symptoms. I would say the wd of the benzo or ads.

If you didn't have any of these problems before cessation, then that's what it is.

I hope you find solace soon.

 

[WorryGirl]

Thanks. I think I was sensitive to dpdr even before withdrawal. But I do believe that's what started this major episode...
I wish you all the best too!

 

[ameliaaria]

I am still trying to figure all this out, but one thing I have found is that part of the answer lies in finding ways to relax and cope with stress. Learning some form of meditation has helped me a lot in dealing with my panic attacks, as it allows me to take a step back from my thoughts and emotions and become more mindful. Exercise also helps—running, walking, or any other activity that gets your heart rate up can be really beneficial in calming down the anxious feelings. Finally, reaching out to supportive friends and family can be really helpful as well. So if you feel like you need extra support, don't hesitate to ask for help.

 

[WorryGirl]

I'm trying to do exactly that. Relaxation and coping with my anxiety.
I go for a walk everyday, or ride my bike.
I have a small group of people around me, who are very supportive. My husband helps me where ever he can. I wish you all the best! And thanks for your advice, you're very kind.