Hey jc,
I was pretty desperate some weeks ago, as at one point all of my efforts to get better seemed to give no results. I am not out of the woods yet, but I started with EMDR therapy four weeks ago, after realizing that I have completely isolated myself. Since I started with therapy, I re-connected to some of the activities that I was able to do before, without feeling tons of anxiety or agoraphobia while I am outside. I mean, obviously the 2020 is not a year that works for us in that regard, as it has been pretty isolating for lots of people, but it is completely different when you feel that isolation within yourself.
The core of my dissociation, including DPDR, is in childhood trauma. What I understood is that I need to integrate the implicit memories of traumatic event(s), that have never been properly filed as memories, in order to heal. It is by no means easy, I am having a hard time just facing some things, but I am aware there is no other way but through it. I am 44, btw, soon will be 45, and I have been trying so hard to heal these last four years. I made a lot of progress with CBT, and also on my own, in understanding where some things come from, but I came to a point where I actually need help and guidance, as my mind's makeup is such that it will do everything to maintain those same coping mechanisms that served it well for decades. But they just keep me stuck, and I did not want to accept that "it is it". No way that I am going to accept that's all there is. Don't accept it, man, you can find that strength in you! As long as we are alive, we can do something good for ourselves.
I believe you can do it.
Take care,
A.
