Hey my name is Chris, im 20 years old from germany and i got ''derealization''.
i wanna tell you my story how i get it, how i recovered, and how i get it again.
so, at first im doing a very special sport, and i'm pretty good at it. i always want to do a sport, because at home it was very diffecult for me. my parents breaking up (in this time i was 6 years old) , we had a lot of stress, and i everytime we had stress at home, i was going in to my room and let them fighting. so i found a good sport where i can go if its to much for me, i dont wanna hear something about my parents, because they was always fighting and i was really depressed. at the age of 14, i started my sport, i found a ''new family'' there, good friends who are like my brothers, they helping me in difficult situations, we had fun together and we are going to some couple conntests. so 6 years of having a good time, meet a lot of people, make party alot and just having fun.
At this point, my life was pretty good, i was earning my own money with my sport, had a lot of free time and i just traveled around the world with my ''new family''.
so i hit the age of 19, and i met a girl, a really good friend of some of my ''brothers''. we had a lot of fun together and i fall in love with her, and one of my ''brothers'' just freaking out, he tell me that he love that girl too, but for me it was to late because i was in a relationship with her, she says to me that she was saying to him one time that she never want to have a relationship with him, he agreed, and i was thinking '' okay, i can do it''. but he just was toxic at me, the hole time, i tried to speak with him, but he dont want to, he said to me im just a piece of shit and he can not watch in my eyes anymore. so also my other ''brothers'' starting to be toxic at me because i visit my girlfriend so often. after this point i was really depressed, i dont know what i have to do, just because of my new love.
the situation was not really good for me, and i had a lot of headache, but i dont visit the doctor because this is stress related. from one of the other day i get a rash on my genial area, and for me it was really wried, because i had a girlfriend and it was embarrassing for me to tell her that. i was thinking ''okay its from shaving, so it will go in 2-3 days don't worry'' and it was getting worse. i was going to the next hospital, show this to a doctor and he said '' hmm, i dunno, maybe this or maybe this, let us make some tests, do you had an HIV test in your life''? i said no and he was testing me also on other shit like syphillis, genital herpes and so on. he also tested my urin. he was giving me a salve for the skin and said ''come back in 2 weeks, than we now what you have'' i was really really scared, i was thinking ''what do you tell your love, what happend when you have some of this shit, do you had sex with her, what she just thinking about me'' maybe you destroy her life... so at this time i feel a headpressure, it was like a ''mini derealization''. i was feeling this shit like 2 weeks, and than i went to the doctor again, all my blood tests where negative, they just found ''ureaplasma'' in my urine and he was telling me that i HAVE to take doxyciclin, an antibiotic. Also my girlfriend have to take it. at this point, i lose my mind, i just call her, telling her she have to take antibotics because of this. i was feeling so bad because of this. She was not so excited, but she say okay, we dont know who got it first, so lets take it and everythink is fine. so i took the antibiotics, and i was googeling too about ''ureaplasma''. so at this point i find out that 90% of all people have the ''ureaplasma'' and without symtomes u dont have to take medicine. but i also was looking for a solution because of my rash, it was gone now but noone now what it was. so i found so much shit on the internet, my doctor just say ''nothing to worrie about'' and i feel the derealization really hard, it was like a stone in my head, i cant feel, i cant think. i was thinking its because of the antibiotics, but it was really scared. at the next moring i was outside, everythink was looking like ''fake'' i just look in to the sky and i was seeing these ''floaters''. i just ask google what it is, and everyone from you know the answer. after that after images and photosensitive started, i was thinking ''the antibiotics''. i was not able to go to the supermarked because everythink was so bright and huge pain for my eyes. so i went to the doctor, telling him my new symtomes. and he said, yeah its because of the antibiotics, after that everything go to be normal. i trust him... after the antibiotics nothing change, i just isolate me from my friends, my girlfriend was tellling me that i change, im not myself. again i was thinking dude its just the stress, its your mind. i just sitting at home, was looking about my symtomes, found shit again and i was really scared... so i went to the doctor again, he said okay maybe something is wrong with your eyes.. so i go to a eye doctor, he said everything fine u just need a glasses. i was depressed because noone find something about my symtomes. so i was really depressed, my girlfriend broke up with me, and dp hit me really really hard. i was thinking that i lose everything in my life, i was feeling alone. so i had 2-3 months in this condition, i was not able to do my sport because it was winter, i just sitting aground with the symtomes, was googeling... i loss 6 kilograms of weight. before everythink begun i booked a flight to the phillipinnes with my friends, we just planned a trip for 1 month, just relaxing, have fun. 1 week before we flight i got a tinnitus, my symtomes was getting so worse, my head says dont flight, ur going to die, and my mind says comon dude, if u die, than do it on a beautiful place.
So i flight to the phillipines, my symtomes going to be really worse, i got the 2d vision Or sometimes its like xray vision, the person is in front of me but my eyes
seem to focus on what's behind them. my floaters are also really worse but i just give a shit. after 1 week, i notice that everything came better, i was really happy and after a onther week i was COMPLETLY NORMAL - 100% recovered. i didnt saw any floaters anymore, i had no headpressure, my vision was normal.... so after 6 months of dp i was normal! in the 3rd week my ex girlfriend text me, that she misses me, that she want to see me again, that she give me up to fast. i was really really happy, the happiest person and i just want to go back to germany as soon as possible. 1 day before we flight to germany, i had stomachach, and i had to pie alot, i dunno why, maybe the food or something else and i was feeling pretty bad, remember me to anixity and i was scared again. i just told my exgirlfriend that i need maybe 1 week, because i not feel so good. it was getting worse, i just try to be normal but my dp came back. at first just the headpressure, than the 2d vision and the after images, floaters... i was thinking shit dude, it happend again, i meet my exgirlfriend, i try to forget everything of this, and she had the same feeling again, im not normal... so we tried it 2 weeks. it was getting a bit better, than she says to me good bye... after this i was sitting in the train, was really confused, angry, because of this shit. DP hit me really really bad with a new symtome - visual snow -. after this i decided to go to an another doctor with all of my results, i was not able to speak to him, because i was crying the hole time... he send me to a neurolist/pyschiater and now i'm making a therapy... he did a eeg with me, with no result... so he says i have to break my anixity...
the biggest problem is the snow now, i just see it on walls when they are some meters away from me, also in the sky on the clouds... also when its dark... but i think in the dark its seems to be normal...
so this is my story guys, sorry if i spell something wrong, my english is not this good and that the text is so long.