[S0ullessg0dessx3]

Hello I was driving back from dropping off my daughter at school and while I was looking ahead the sky started to turn into this pretty pink and once again I got this terrible feeling like this is all some kind of a dream like I don’t exist. It’s the worst feeling ever and I scare myself even more because I overthink this feeling. It’s been happening for 3 years now ever since I got clean off heroin. Some days are easier and some days are harder. Everytime I try to explain this to my friends or anyone they all look at me like I’m crazy nobody knows what I’m talking about. I’m glad I found this forum because honestly I thought I was the only one… I feel so alone it’s hard for me to make any friends I feel like everyone is judging me it’s hard for me to even have any normal conversation I just always mess up in life.

 

[S0ullessg0dessx3]

Thank you guys for replying honestly I feel hopeless. Since I got clean my dad passed away Covid started my daughter started to self harm and I can’t even explain the feeling when I was at store with her and I seen for the first time both of her arms cut up from wrist to elbow and I started to DR, I couldn’t even drive I was in such a panic sometimes my life feels like some scary thriller movie some people just say I’m overreacting and to just “chill” it not easy to chill when my mind is going 10000 miles per hour and my brain is telling me that my life is not my life that I don’t exist in this world. Even right now just typing it I’m getting chills and my heart starts beating faster. Its honestly very hard for me to open up to anyone the first person I told my feelings was my counselor and she is telling me I’m feeling this way cause I got clean and everything feels new to me. But it don’t feel new to me I just feel like I’m not in control and I’m seeing someone else life thru my eyes I just don’t know what is the point and I’m scared I’m scared of dying and dealing with DR and having this obsessive thoughts about death does not help. I don’t know what else to do I don’t know how to deal with this feeling when it comes because it honestly scares the crap out of me.

 

[S0ullessg0dessx3]

Hey, I can relate. I got clean from heroin in 2011, haven't used any substances since. Since getting clean, I noticed dissociation and derealization, but it started quite badly after discontinuing some SSRI medication. In terms of who to talk to, I absolutely need to talk to people who understand what I'm going through or I also feel crazy. I have some good friends who have experienced DR too, and talking to them helps me feel less alone/more real/more sane. Hope you can find some people like that too, or on here.

Also congratulations on getting clean honestly peolle just don’t get it , it’s a tough road getting clean it took me so many detoxes before I actually got it right. I loved it because my mind wasn’t constantly running and overthinking my brain was clouded and I didn’t care about a thing and now that I’m clean I overthink everything I worry about everything and besides my mom and daughter I have like no real friends. I just feel like a lot of people judge me so it’s hard for me to open up in real life, I used to have so much confidence but since I gotten clean im so awkward now lol