[Alan]

This is sort of an unusual post for me in that I guess it's what you Americans would call "touching base"

I check the names of the active members at the bottom of the forums and even though we all share similar struggles I feel somewhat isolated and seperated from you all. I think a lot of us have this feeling of isolation and struggling alone, and ironically it is one of the things that unites us.

I feel like I need to say something, but I don't really know what it is... DPDR and depression are so effective at cutting me off from my own thoughts and emotions, it's hard to know where I am. Maybe I just need to vocalise the fact that I am suffering?

There are some of you that I don't know that well and perhaps should, and for that I'm sorry. I struggle with posting and interacting with the community these days, but I'd like every one of you to know that I wish you all well, and hope that you manage to make progress in the directions you all want to head, wherever that might be.

<3

Alan

 

[Phantasm]

I found that quite poignant, Alan, as I often feel that way and also wonder if it's something we all, ironically, share - feeling different, outside or alone even amongst those that feel the same way!

 

[Alan]

What is the worst that you're facing right now? is there anything that usually helps?

I guess it's just the sameness of it all -- I'm relatively stable, I mean, I've been bedridden with clinical depression before and believe me, that's a whole different ball game, but I never seem to improve to any significant degree.

Always this anhedonic flatness peppered with the occasional existential dread and anxiety, just for variety. I want to believe things will improve and I even think that is an essential part of recovery for most, but when you've had mental health problems most of your adult life, the evidence is really not in your favour...

Remaining active (with my uni work and studying) prevents me from getting worse, that would be about the closest thing to something that "helps" I guess.

I feel this. :/ We should have a weekly skype chat or something...

I've been popping into that AJAX chatroom when I've been logging on, but nobody seems to be around. I'm kind of hesitant to promote it anyway, since we had so many problems with the old one. Although most of the time the forum is relatively civil, the chatroom was a different story...

 

[inferentialpolice]

how does one access the "Ajax" chat that Alan mentioned?

 

[Alan]

Are there any hobbies or things that can help a little more too? Anything you've always wanted to do, learn, try? I'm thinking of taking a pottery class, I feel like it would be peaceful and therapeutic. Is there anything like that you could try too?

I'm kind of lacking in imagination in that regard, for the longest time the only thing I've really wanted is not to feel like shit, everything else doesn't feel like it has that much relevance. Even staying focused on my potential "career" is difficult. I appreciate the sentiment though, thanks for the suggestion.

how does one access the "Ajax" chat that Alan mentioned?

It's at http://dpchat.win/ if you want to check it out. Nice to see you IP, long time, hope you're doing well.