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Here I am, binging on everything that could bring "joy". I'm 17 now. I was 12/13 when it all started. Numb, extremely depersonalized and derealized. All these people getting confident, friends, meeting people, living life partying. Me staying at home doesn't "know" where I am and who I am and trying to figure a way out. Every conversation is awkward for both sides, people avoiding me, no friends. I know my life is out there somewhere but how do I get to it? My life is gone and every step I try to better it just backfires like getting friends, try to do self-improvement, etc...
I tried accepting but relapsed, tried rewiring the brain- relapsed. I always end up binging, forgetting my problems, being on forums I really looked in so many corners, which the internet has to offer for solutions/cures for dpdr. Went to 3 psychatrists. Went to my doctor who assured me it's mental. I want to cry but I'm too numb. 馃槶 I want to end it all, but I'm too scared. Then the sorrows come back and overwelm me.
Everything that brought happiness: my soccer-skills, my back then popularity, my workout plans, all gone and people forget I even existed like this once. Guys I don't know where to go, I'm done.馃様
If I ever get better I go back and tell everyone how to.
 

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I鈥檓 sorry you are struggling so much, and at such a young age.

Im curious as to what you mean when you say you tried rewriting your brain?

When you went to your doctor and he assured youthat your suffering was all mental, well, of course, ALL suffering is 鈥渕ental.鈥 But perhaps what he meant by that was that your suffering cannot be explained as a result of some organic problem. How did he know that? Did he check for anything? Depersonalization experiences can be a direct or indirect consequence of some diseases.

But not necessarily. Your post talks a lot about how your issues are impacting your social life, but you didn鈥檛 provide much information about what your DP experiences are or how this all started you say back when you were 12 or 13. Perhaps it would be helpful to elaborate a bit more on that if you are comfortable doing so?
 
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