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Here again

748 Views 1 Reply 2 Participants Last post by  Pablopizah

I want to share my story. The first time I got DPDR was back in 2010 after a series of traumatic events(car accident, robbery, a guy broke into my apartment and the final drop was when a guy chased me with a knife). That's when my DP began, that warm, nice summer evening.. After I ran away from him I felt like as if my blood dropped to my feet and then came back in my head, I don't know how to explain it but the feeling was crazy. I went home and went to bed but in around 2 hours I woke up and the hell began. All the symptoms - nothing felt real, I didn't know where I was, everything felt strange and far away, even my parents, heart was racing like crazy, crazy thoughts etc. I told my parents, they took me to see a psychiatrist and prescribed me some meds which I didn't took. In about 5 months everything came back to normal, I was myself again and it disappeared. I relapsed in 2012(no meds), 2014(no meds) and in 2015 when I started taking Seroxat(and still on it). I was fine for 4 years until last month when everything came back with full force. What triggered it was a bad situation at work.. Silly but true. Until last month I tried tappering down my pill to 5 mg a day, now unfortunately I'm back to 20 mg.
I hate this, I hate that it's back, i feel so confused and insane. I don't know what to do, I have suicidal thoughts, but I am afraid to die really.
I have this weird obsession about life and how every one of us have their own life and their own memories, and actually how we are all alone in our little worlds every day until we die. It's driving me insane, I think the reason why I have this obsession is because I don't want to accept the things that happened to me and my own memories and my own life. Sorry if I sound confusing l, but my thoughts are confused. I feel so alone. I started a new job which requires focus but I don't know if I can do it because my DP is so overwhelming. I am afraid, and feel so far away from reality, I can't connect emotionally with anybody really, I don't feel myself. I don't know what to do, I have lost interest in everything. I just want to sleep all day.. Please tell me that I am going to be okay again.
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