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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am aware this is very confused can someone please tell me that they can relate.
Things have deteriorated for me.

Feel the need to explain myself

Feel so slow mentally
Worried about the structure of this

My presentation belies my broken state
Consciousness behind two eyes/ what is self
vision interaction mind. Conscious of my consciousnsss
Constantly worried I'm not going to make it through the night
Random thoughts before sleep
Can't concentrate
Constantly looking for signs every second of every day from god
Worried about catatonia
No future
No concept of time
Intense laughing
Hallucinations?
Can't think - but I can
I often forget the thought that proceeds the action
Constantly monitoring and assessing every thought
Self fulfilling prophecy, nails in own coffin
Constant fear about hell, blasphemy, morality
Obsessive thinking escalates everything
Dream intensely about illness
Won't let myself sleep
Ocd that I am going to drive myself insane
Numb worried my emotions will come out - doubt sub conscious things at play I am repressing but I am not aware I am repressing but I am
Sometimes I'm not conscious of my own thoughts
Over analysing everything: I know what's going on but I feel the need to go over things to make sure I know what's going on
Feel the need to constantly go over things to be clear
Stuck in a metacognitive state
Subconscious knows stuff
Understand everything/ self awareness misunderstanding, normal human experience, normal human thought, connectness, control. What have i been doing??? semi conscious worry state, very slow socially
Don't know if I'm over analysing or just trying to understand... I definitely over analyse some things
Doubt
How my brain mind organises stuff
Hide from the tragedy of it
Constantly monitoring if I am still doing it or not
When I am not doing it my mind freaks out
When I look at something I wonder what my reaction should be
Why does mind/subconscious react to some things and not all
What about stuff behind me
Introspection
Walking... reassuring myself I know how to get to the shop
Worrying that I don't understand things - some I don't some no one does
Constantly worried that people won't understand even know they do because I'm too scared to accept non judgement because I feel unworthy of compassion
So scared of looking vulnerable
Isolating myself into self destruction
Convince myself that I am just making it up
Can't process things because I am trying so hard to understand what I already do
Constantly thinking that the devil/ God are doing stuff in my flat
How do benzos make this go away
Aware of how crazy it sounds but that doesn't mean it isn't grave
Convinced you all just think I'm over reacting
Saying the right words and I know what they mean but I'm not fully there
Thinking it's him again
Worried how my voice sounds
Telling myself it's not ok to not ok
Have compassion for others and some sorrow for myself
I am making myself suffer but I can't stop
I don't know who's evil and who's good
When someone is being overly compassionate it makes me feel weird
Ulterior motive
Scared I'm going to get to the point where I'll want the void to swallow me up
How can people have different perceptions freaks me out
Yearning for unconditional love
Let myself die to show you how bad I am
Reassuring the crisis team I am not crazy
Tip of my tongue
Don't understand how people aren't hyper aware I can imagine it but cannot understand it
Constantly comparing myself to others for reassurance- they see it as good I see it as bad
Can see your point of view (crisis team) but not don't agree
Can't share it: partly because they it'll upset them, partly because judgement, partly cos I don't want to admit to it
They're not saying I'm doing it on purpose
How do people know things?
We don't know what to do - crisis team are saying
Don't understand alan watts - like I really don't understand
Yeah people get it but cannot accept it
Feel like I'll push people to frustration - so what?
Moral perfectionism
How can anyone understand this
People are intelligent
Insanity is luring me in
Maybe I'm not describing it properly

Health list: OCD (sensorimotor, religious, moral, health, doubt), cognitive impairment/ brain fog, non verbal communication, social anxiety, depression, emotional deprivation, emotional numbing, alexithymia, adhd, confusion, trauma.

Can't see patterns in things but can
 

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Your cured? How?
Hey. I am cured, 100 percent, and I thought it would never happen, which is where a lot of people here probably are too, so I know what you're going through.

And it wasn't really just 1 single thing. I would say the best thing you can do for yourself is find productive distractions. I buried myself in schoolwork and hung out with friends as much as I could. At first, doing both of these things was difficult. I didn't feel like myself, I would get anxious and assume people thought I was acting weird. I learned later though that this was all just my anxiety, which I would assume all of us are dealing with in DP/DR.

But yeah, things sucked and weren't fun at all at first, even hanging out with my friends. Slowly, over the course of 3-4 months, my happiness started to return, and I was focusing less and less on my DP/DR. It gradually went away. I would get pockets of it for months afterward, but these would last only a few hours max, and I felt well equipped to deal with them.

In my experience, you just have to find ways to focus on your life, not your condition. I know it's hard. I know it sounds reductive, but trust me.

If ANYBODY has questions, please send me a message. I'll gladly talk with anybody about it. I really want to help people struggling with this, because I was there and now I'm back. Good luck.
 

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I promise after a while these feelings and thoughts will start to go away/stop effecting you. Itll take a while but first step is to realize and accept that this is happening to you and that you will eventually feel normal again.
 
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