Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So basically for the past two weeks I haven't been feeling like myself at all. In the past I used to get like this but I was always able to distract myself from the thoughts of feeling like I wasn't real. The thoughts all began when I moved during the middle of my sophomore year. I was completely isolated because I couldn't deal without how unstable my life became. Not having my friends since grade school and living in the same house I lived in for almost 8 years really rocked my life for me. So I think the trauma of it all triggered me to feel like this. But the thoughts didn't completely start till junior year (last year). I would always just think how am I real, how do I exist, how are we all here? And every time I looked in the mirror and thought about who I was I'd get this sinking feeling of being so uncomfortable in my body. It was easy to distract myself though, I felt "normal". But fast forward to late 2018 it just got completely worse. Around thanksgiving this year I started feeling so fucking weird and detached from myself. Like it feels like a big hole is in my chest and I can't feel anything. Then the thoughts came back but even worse. My anxiety from it is so bad I'm getting chest pains and feeling like I'm going insane, like I'm gonna lash out and just hurt myself because I can't take feeling like this anymore. It feels like theres a big hole in my head and I can hardly remember things these days. I don't even remember things from a day ago and it freaks me out. I feel so unreal like it scares the hell out of me. I have to constantly remind myself of who I am so I don't go completely insane but sometimes it just doesn't relax me fully. Even when I talk to people I get so uncomfortable because I start thinking "wow they know who I am, like I am a real person."It's like my brain knows what to do and gets me through the day, it's not like I'm in control sometimes. I just feel so detached and weird, I don't even remember what it was like to not feel like this. And I keep telling my mom about how I'm feeling and she thinks it's like a joke and tells me I'm real but how am I real if I don't even feel like I'm existing? She doesn't want me to get help because they'll most likely put me on medication for my anxiety and might "Send me away for saying the wrong things". Because I have been feeling really suicidal and just wanting to hurt myself so this can end. Can someone please help me, or tell me why this is happening? Advice on how to cope?