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Hi everyone. Just a heads up that this will be a long post because I want to give you insight to how DP/DR all came about, and I hope that my story can enlighten and help many of you.
I'm 35 years old and I clearly remember in detail the day I first experienced anxiety. My parents divorced when I was 3 and my mom left and my dad raised my brother and I. It was in 1987 I remember my dad driving with a then girlfriend of his and they were talking about a little boy that was my age that had died from choking on a peanut. Fear immediately came over me I was scared to eat peanuts because I didn't want to choke and die either. That one action transpired into having a fear of death and I became a hypochondriac at a young age. I remember I couldn't swallow food for a period of time because I didn't want to choke. Sounds weird but this is what led to how I am now.
A few years passed and it was 1993. The boy who lived next door to us had passed away from cancer, so I thought I was next. I missed a bunch of school I became really clingy to my dad because that's all I had. My dad was my life saver. He would always reassure me that I was okay. I had to force myself through school with bad anxiety and this constant fear that I was going to die. At the time my dad would watch these shows that used to be on TV like Rescue 911 and that show would freak me out, because anytime I would see something bad happen to someone on the show, I would think it would happen to me too.
So this Constant fear and anxiety always followed me as I got older. As I got into high school, especially my later high school years my anxiety seemed to fade because I was hanging out with friends, talking to girls and then I started smoking weed.
It was the end of 1999 and I was a senior in high school. Stress started building up in my life because my step mom became the ultimate bitch, and she had causdd problems in our house and I left. I moved into my grandparents house temporarily and out of nowhere my anxiety flared up. This time a new form of it came about which I never knew had a name until recently. I developed OCD. Not OCD that people throw around (being anal about stuff), I developed racing thoughts and all I did was ruminate on these bad thoughts for days. This problem stuck with me for a while, then like my previous bouts with anxiety it faded away. Fast forward a few years later and the OCD thoughts returned. I had to ride it out for several months, trying to figure out what was going on. Back then this was now the early 2000's so there wasn't Google and the internet wasn't where it's at today so I couldn't do any research. I had to deal with it in silence because I didn't want people including my family to think I was losing my mind.
Fast forward to 2008. Before I forget I am an entrepreneur. As this goes on you'll see why I mentioned that I'm an entrepreneur. So in 2007 I launched my first company, and a year later my company was invited to an event overseas. I had traveled numerous times and never had any problems traveling prior. So I hop on a 14 hour flight from my home (San Francisco) to head to the overseas location. When I get to my destination I arrive at my hotel. In the hotel lobby there was a huge globe. I looked at the globe and found where I was at currently and I seen how far I was from home. I had a bad anxiety attack which then converted into my first ever panic attack. I made it through my trip and went home. Since that incident I've had a fear of traveling to new places. I forced myself (my wife) forced me to travel since and every time I get to the destination where we are going I have anxiety attacks and want to go home.
That hasn't changed. Until today I am extremely anxious when I travel.
Now we move into 2014. By then I created multiple businesses and I start a new one, then a year later in 2015 my first baby is born.
Having a baby was a huge blessing and I love my baby so much. The only thing was with a new baby comes new sleeping patterns. I lost sleep and had new sleeping patterns. My anxiety flared up and now I'm trying to figure out how to be a new dad, continue being a husband while building a new business. Extremely difficult.
Jump forward to 2017. My baby is getting bigger and I launch 2 new startups. Two more startups means more stress.
Now here's where the DP/DR starts. It was on my birthday, and that morning I woke up tired because my baby had cried a few times the night prior. My wife took me out for lunch and she decided to drive that way I can relax on my birthday. So I was in the back seat with my baby while my wife was driving.
As my wife was driving I was looking at the window and I looked at the mountain and said to myself "why do mountains exist", then I started thinking deeper about the world and why the world is the way it is and it freaked me out. I began to feel as if I was living in a bubble. Looking outside and seeing the blue sky meeting the horizon made me feel like I was in a bubble. I started to question things like "what if I am living in a bubble" and "does the outside really exist if I'm in a bubble". Some real off the wall self questions.
So that's been going on for a few months now. Since that began I started going to CBT with a psychologist and I started acupuncture.
Then two weeks ago one morning I was extremely stressed out and out of nowhere I started questioning things that I was doing in the kitchen like "did I just eat oatmeal" and "do I actually exist", and it put me into a major panic attack. It lasted for hours and I was drained. I put a yoga mat down on my bathroom floor and slept on the floor. The sound of my bathroom ceiling fan is relaxing for me so the bathroom is like my comfort zone.
Since two weeks ago it's been an up and down ride. I'll have bad moments when I think about my existence and how life works and there are days when nothing happens.
I learned this method of breathing that helps that I recommend you try out when you start feeling your anxiety or DP/DR creeping in. Place your tongue on the roof of your mouth where it connects with your front upper top teeth. Inhale for 4 seconds, hold it in for 7 seconds then exhale with your tongue still touching the roof of your mouth behind your top front teeth for 8 seconds. Repeat that about 5 times. I was told that this breathing exercise has been proven to be more be in helping with anxiety than medications. And I've been doing it and it has helped.
Speaking of medication, I never took any meds for my anxiety and I won't. I've always been against any medicine and there's no way I'm taking any medication for anything psych related. I'll stick to natural healing methods.
Sorry for the long post and if there's any typos along the way. And also sorry if it seems like I was jumping around in my story however I am trying to give you the best scenario of my situation and it's 31 years of compiled BS that put me in the spot that I am at now.
Being a father, husband and entrepreneur running multiple companies has been tough but also has kept my mind free from randomly thinking about negative thoughts.
People have asked why do I do so much and honestly this is what I enjoy. I had a rough life so I'm working hard that way my baby doesn't have to go through what I went through. I am doing everything in my power to make sure that my baby doesn't have to deal with anxiety and other issues that come with anxiety.
Thank you for reading my story and I hope that my story helps some of you out there that are dealing with the same problem. We are in this together and we will all be okay.
Feel free to reach out to me if you have any questions or would like to chat. It would be great to connect with some of you that are also experiencing the same situation as me.
I'm 35 years old and I clearly remember in detail the day I first experienced anxiety. My parents divorced when I was 3 and my mom left and my dad raised my brother and I. It was in 1987 I remember my dad driving with a then girlfriend of his and they were talking about a little boy that was my age that had died from choking on a peanut. Fear immediately came over me I was scared to eat peanuts because I didn't want to choke and die either. That one action transpired into having a fear of death and I became a hypochondriac at a young age. I remember I couldn't swallow food for a period of time because I didn't want to choke. Sounds weird but this is what led to how I am now.
A few years passed and it was 1993. The boy who lived next door to us had passed away from cancer, so I thought I was next. I missed a bunch of school I became really clingy to my dad because that's all I had. My dad was my life saver. He would always reassure me that I was okay. I had to force myself through school with bad anxiety and this constant fear that I was going to die. At the time my dad would watch these shows that used to be on TV like Rescue 911 and that show would freak me out, because anytime I would see something bad happen to someone on the show, I would think it would happen to me too.
So this Constant fear and anxiety always followed me as I got older. As I got into high school, especially my later high school years my anxiety seemed to fade because I was hanging out with friends, talking to girls and then I started smoking weed.
It was the end of 1999 and I was a senior in high school. Stress started building up in my life because my step mom became the ultimate bitch, and she had causdd problems in our house and I left. I moved into my grandparents house temporarily and out of nowhere my anxiety flared up. This time a new form of it came about which I never knew had a name until recently. I developed OCD. Not OCD that people throw around (being anal about stuff), I developed racing thoughts and all I did was ruminate on these bad thoughts for days. This problem stuck with me for a while, then like my previous bouts with anxiety it faded away. Fast forward a few years later and the OCD thoughts returned. I had to ride it out for several months, trying to figure out what was going on. Back then this was now the early 2000's so there wasn't Google and the internet wasn't where it's at today so I couldn't do any research. I had to deal with it in silence because I didn't want people including my family to think I was losing my mind.
Fast forward to 2008. Before I forget I am an entrepreneur. As this goes on you'll see why I mentioned that I'm an entrepreneur. So in 2007 I launched my first company, and a year later my company was invited to an event overseas. I had traveled numerous times and never had any problems traveling prior. So I hop on a 14 hour flight from my home (San Francisco) to head to the overseas location. When I get to my destination I arrive at my hotel. In the hotel lobby there was a huge globe. I looked at the globe and found where I was at currently and I seen how far I was from home. I had a bad anxiety attack which then converted into my first ever panic attack. I made it through my trip and went home. Since that incident I've had a fear of traveling to new places. I forced myself (my wife) forced me to travel since and every time I get to the destination where we are going I have anxiety attacks and want to go home.
That hasn't changed. Until today I am extremely anxious when I travel.
Now we move into 2014. By then I created multiple businesses and I start a new one, then a year later in 2015 my first baby is born.
Having a baby was a huge blessing and I love my baby so much. The only thing was with a new baby comes new sleeping patterns. I lost sleep and had new sleeping patterns. My anxiety flared up and now I'm trying to figure out how to be a new dad, continue being a husband while building a new business. Extremely difficult.
Jump forward to 2017. My baby is getting bigger and I launch 2 new startups. Two more startups means more stress.
Now here's where the DP/DR starts. It was on my birthday, and that morning I woke up tired because my baby had cried a few times the night prior. My wife took me out for lunch and she decided to drive that way I can relax on my birthday. So I was in the back seat with my baby while my wife was driving.
As my wife was driving I was looking at the window and I looked at the mountain and said to myself "why do mountains exist", then I started thinking deeper about the world and why the world is the way it is and it freaked me out. I began to feel as if I was living in a bubble. Looking outside and seeing the blue sky meeting the horizon made me feel like I was in a bubble. I started to question things like "what if I am living in a bubble" and "does the outside really exist if I'm in a bubble". Some real off the wall self questions.
So that's been going on for a few months now. Since that began I started going to CBT with a psychologist and I started acupuncture.
Then two weeks ago one morning I was extremely stressed out and out of nowhere I started questioning things that I was doing in the kitchen like "did I just eat oatmeal" and "do I actually exist", and it put me into a major panic attack. It lasted for hours and I was drained. I put a yoga mat down on my bathroom floor and slept on the floor. The sound of my bathroom ceiling fan is relaxing for me so the bathroom is like my comfort zone.
Since two weeks ago it's been an up and down ride. I'll have bad moments when I think about my existence and how life works and there are days when nothing happens.
I learned this method of breathing that helps that I recommend you try out when you start feeling your anxiety or DP/DR creeping in. Place your tongue on the roof of your mouth where it connects with your front upper top teeth. Inhale for 4 seconds, hold it in for 7 seconds then exhale with your tongue still touching the roof of your mouth behind your top front teeth for 8 seconds. Repeat that about 5 times. I was told that this breathing exercise has been proven to be more be in helping with anxiety than medications. And I've been doing it and it has helped.
Speaking of medication, I never took any meds for my anxiety and I won't. I've always been against any medicine and there's no way I'm taking any medication for anything psych related. I'll stick to natural healing methods.
Sorry for the long post and if there's any typos along the way. And also sorry if it seems like I was jumping around in my story however I am trying to give you the best scenario of my situation and it's 31 years of compiled BS that put me in the spot that I am at now.
Being a father, husband and entrepreneur running multiple companies has been tough but also has kept my mind free from randomly thinking about negative thoughts.
People have asked why do I do so much and honestly this is what I enjoy. I had a rough life so I'm working hard that way my baby doesn't have to go through what I went through. I am doing everything in my power to make sure that my baby doesn't have to deal with anxiety and other issues that come with anxiety.
Thank you for reading my story and I hope that my story helps some of you out there that are dealing with the same problem. We are in this together and we will all be okay.
Feel free to reach out to me if you have any questions or would like to chat. It would be great to connect with some of you that are also experiencing the same situation as me.
