[peaceboy23]

Hey everyone...I just wanted to see if anyone could offer me any help here. Today was one of hte worst days ever. I don't understand why i was fairly fine for so long, and then all of a sudden my dp/dr is back and worse than before. It was weird because i felt ok this morning, and then some stupid part of me started thinking about how i wasn't dp'd, and then all of a sudden it's like my brain exploded or something, and it was the most terrible feeling...I kept thinking about my mind and how i couldnt' escape from it and what I was feeling, and my whole body got hot and numb, and it was panic feeling, but with more involved...I'm not sure how to even explain what I was feelihng in my mind...I was so terrified that I was going insane...ialthough as my freind told me tonight, it's when you don't worry about going crazy that you need to start worrying.
The bad part is that all day today at work that horrible feeling of floating out of my head was there, and i just felt like if i thought about it too much I would go insane and it would come back. I actually left work early today because I was so scared, I was sweating and shaking and had nervous twitches. I actually had my mom drive me home, because i hate driving as it is, and opened up to her for the first time about my dp/dr. My biggest problem is that the fear and the panic is hovering in the back of my mind and comes to the front from time to time...it's awful...i keep trying to tell myself "You are not dp'd" or not thinking about it, or focusing on other things, but it's hovering there, and it's like this constant battle in my mind. The problem is when i think "don't think about the fear" i think about it. And i have the same problem that Jeanine talks about, where I am constantly monitoring myself nad I don't know how to stop it. Anyone have any tips for this? I'm starting to fear (as seems to be common with this beast) that I don't really have dp, but something that is slowly eating my brain and driving me insane, or that will leave me in a constant state of terror that i can never escape from. I need to restart therapy...but i'm scaredt o go back to my therapist because i missed an appointment a month ago, and I have a problem with that kind of thing, thinking he'll be mad at me or, the worst, disappointed in me. I also don't think he does much for the dp/dr, doesn't seem to understand it well. Are there therapists out there who don't really understand dp/dr, or, conversely, who have a lot of knowledge and insight on how to treat this. I think I may need to go to a therapist who believes in and can help me bring up older feelings, things that I don't really want to talk about, because i'm almost a friend with my therapist, and don't want to tell him bad things or things that may upset him, or whatever. I'm sorry that I've rambled on for so long, but i've had a really bad day and I've been really scared today that there is something much worse with me, that i'm giong insane, etc etc etc. Thanks for taking the time to read this, and any help anyone can offer would be much appreciated!

 

[bright23]

Hey peace23, bright23 here...

"but i'm scaredt o go back to my therapist because i missed an appointment a month ago, and I have a problem with that kind of thing, thinking he'll be mad at me or, the worst, disappointed in me."

I totally relate to this, I've done this exactly. But afterwards when I really thought about it, I realized that I used it as an excuse to avoid doing what is helpful to me.

I did exactly this three months ago with my psychiatrist ? to create a reason to go off my meds. Skipped an appointment and ran out of my medication. I said to myself "Awww, I can't face him he'll be mad." And then I got into a real rough spot about a month later, finally made an appointment, expected him to get mad, and of course he wasn't. That's because he's a doctor, and as long as I'm coming back it means I'm taking responsibility for my health, and that's good.

Call your therapist first thing tomorrow. I'm sure he'll be glad to hear from you. As far as him not "understanding" your DP/DR situation... tell him that. Tell him you're possibly thinking of getting another therapist because you're feeling too buddy-buddy with him, you're hiding things from him because you don't want to disappoint him etc. and that's probably part of the reason why you skipped last month's appointment. Tell him all of that. He'll really want to hear it I can gaurantee. This is how relationships with therapists develop.

Good luck, and try to get some sleep.