ALSO can we address the irony of everybody saying DONT WORRY DPDR IS JUST YOUR BODY WAY OF COPING WITH TRAUMA ITS BIOLOGICAL and then proceed to tell you ITS THE WAY YOUR THINKING ABOUT THE SYMPTOMS and both can be true at the same time but not for someone like me because im loooking for how to fx the fucking issue that is my life godamnnnitt ahhhh insanity ahhhhhh
HELP :(
Yall.... so ive had dpdr for 8 years and lived my life thinking it was from a physical illness and that nobody else was like me. This did not stop me from being a baddie and living life having friends etc.. i mean i have severe social anxiety but i still managed. Ok.. so this is when shit hits the fan. 6 months ago i found out what dpdr was and also that i have trauma in my body and that there was a real solution to me getting better and that it was in my control this whole time. I was thrilled, i then made it my mission to heal my trauma to cure my mental illness and not have to depend on any of the fuckers in my life again who were caretaking me , i kindve saw me getting better as revenge for them not caring how i feel. I still love the fuck out of them but this was my own fantasy ok? And i know i sound sarcastic but its the truth im just being wierd. Anyways the second i started thinking ok what is my trauma how do i heal my trauma ong i need to heal my trauma fast my depressions getting worse i dont know if i can keep doing this etc. is when my depersonalization got very bad very quick. I have now been in rehab for 5 godamn months because my entire personality boom gone. Emotions boom gone. Self confidence boom gone which kills me the most because i liked at least feeling like a baddie. Like oh look at me im gonna actually heal my trauma and not be a crazy narcissitic psycho like everyone else on earth. So i am extremely upset now and feeling like whats the point in putting my mind to anything if this is the result. And like in those 8 years i just kindve accepted dpdr which ive heard is the cure but idk how to accept what im dealing with right now. Like for instance this is a day in my life ready? Il be talking to my therapist and i want to express how i feel.. i now feel like my face has flipped inward and so as im saying how i feel to the therapist its making me dissasociate more and it becomes this mental scenario of i have to either choose between how i feel or how she feels. If i care about her then i feel myself getting pushed so far to the back of my head that it physically hurts but if i express how i feel idek. Anyways ive gone completely insane because of this condition and dont know how to socialize anymore or why i should care about myself. Did i say anything of use that can be psychoanalyzed by this forum? And hopefully tell me everything isnt as bad as it seems and i feel right now? Cause im not gonna lie this has got to be THE worst thing i could ever go through. Like i feel like ive been forced to hate people even tho im usually empathetic but when i talk to people i just hate them i have no sympathy like a monster and was never like this before and its just one big lo fucking l because everybodys like "just accept it" ACCEPT WHAT BITCH accept going fucking insane???????? HOWW whooos the one accepting it like if i cant feel my soul in my body what is there to accept??? Like i just think im to far gone which is funny cause i wouldve been scared to say that before now im at such a low point its just like haha ANYWAYYSSSSS
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People have this notion that thinking about their PTSD and trauma is going to heal them and that's just not true. Your mind is basically reliving it over and over when you think about it which will just make the DP worse. Stop thinking about your trauma unless you are with a highly-trained professional. It's kind of like when people get an acid flashback years later after they do it. It's just a part of your mind now and you have to stop thinking about it and live your life.
Like yall im miserable i just wa
But in my case i havent had a specific trauma. I just had a stressful life of having to people please a narcissist and all trauma is at the end of the day big or small is tension, stress, and emotion trapped inside of your nervous system. Thats why people have anxiety, depression etc because the things we experience in life contribute to the people we become but if we never release the trapped energy in our nervous system we stay anxious etc. thats why doctors perscribe antidepressants because all they are doing is helping to adjust your brain chemicals to help you regulate your nervous system, but its not always helpful because the meds can make a person worse. Thats why things like breathwork and mediation are good because its taking you out of a thinking STATE and putting you into a mammal state to be able to releae the stagnant energy like animals do. Thats why you hear some say the cause of dpdr is trauma because ultimately it is. Traumas the root cause of alot of mental illness definetly anxiety. But in my case my thought patterns made me worse too so its both your thought process and your trapped emotionsPeople have this notion that thinking about their PTSD and trauma is going to heal them and that's just not true. Your mind is basically reliving it over and over when you think about it which will just make the DP worse. Stop thinking about your trauma unless you are with a highly-trained professional. It's kind of like when people get an acid flashback years later after they do it. It's just a part of your mind now and you have to stop thinking about it and live your life.
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