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So, as fellow DPDR sufferer, actually not anymore, but I really really struggled with irrational thoughts after the symptoms faded, I have a big big problem with time and my existence associated with it.

In 2017 time was running away and I felt like I couldnt bear/handle its speed, time was so fast 'cause of 24/7 worrying, but suddenly I felt like I slipped out of a logical sense of time and that was when I had this old "I" dying feeling. Like it was August and I felt like I wasnt ready for it yet that time ran so fast and I resisted with all I could against time - of course time was moving forward and so I continued to feel "out of time". That is the whole issue. I feel like the old me is still in August and some other part of me still exists. Sounds like a crazy obsession hm?

I am still here, but I even had thoughts that I am dead and not here anymore and that this very moment is imagination. Time is really the only thing, if there was a 2017 instead of a 2018 on the calendar, it'd be somehow easier to cope (yeah haha...), "2018" feels so unreal to me somehow.

When I was going for a run I felt like, I am not existing anyways in a "whole", so I had a complete blockade and training wasnt doing anything. I just couldnt explain what happened. I've had a complete blockade in all of my healing methods, so that everything felt useless, until I felt like hm maybe you were really dying? Keep in mind: NO symptoms at all anymore.

I feel like I am somehow an being in psychological time (that is the time as we know it, past, future) and I am dependent on it in order to exist. slipping out of that makes me feel not normal, because just a normal person has a normal sense of time and is somehow existing "healthily" in this concept. I feel like I am not supposed to or just cant live in psychological time anymore.

Fun that time is actually an illusion and I make it a real thing. But actually, at the moment there is nothing I hate more than calendars or planning future meetings on a specific date. Ive been so focused on this time phenomenon, it is burned deep in my mind pattern. In all of them. All of them are associated with me and my existence in psychological time.

I actually feel like I shouldnt be here.
 

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I can relate to this although I can't necessarily say I relate 100% to everything you wrote. What I CAN relate to 100% though is this bit right here that you wrote:

"Time is really the only thing, if there was a 2017 instead of a 2018 on the calendar, it'd be somehow easier to cope (yeah haha...), "2018" feels so unreal to me somehow."

I know this feeling exactly. It feels like you're not supposed to be experiencing anything that you are because you were dissociated and still are, from a certain point in time. By this I mean you dissociated one day then everything following that felt/feels unreal. For me this led to feeling it couldnt possibly have been whatever year it was. I got dp in late 2011 and I remember feeling like "2012" wasnt a real thing. I still get this at times.
 
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