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Ok can somebody help me. I suffer on and off with DP, the last episode I had was 20 months ago. I have had 20 months of feeling perfectly ok. Due to a bitch of a boss at work and a big argument, I went home upset and then went on holiday and had a great time. When I came back to work I had to go back in and felt very uncomfortable and the atmosphere was awful. The situation has now been resolved, I think the boss in question has been spoken to about how awful she was to me. But I starting feeling the DP coming on. The who am I question started to bother me, and I could feel myself losing my identity and being scared of myself. Well I have been off of work, frightened and just sort of drifting through each day, not knowing who I am, and looking at people and imaging what it is like looking through their eyes and wondering if they feel like they know who they are. Well over this week I have slowly started to get better. I get these triggers, if anyone can relate to them. I feel really awful and then get a strange feeling come over me and then it is like a little bit of my identity comes back. At the moment I feel a lot better than what I did a few days ago, but "who am I" means something still, and still makes me uncomfortable. Can anybody relate to this triggers and when the DP goes, if it is something gradual, until eventually you get one final trigger and the DP is gone. I am now eating and sleeping but I still feel I am one or two triggers away from the DP having completely gone. Part of me is frightened of myself, but part of me feels okay. Can anyone relate to this triggers and how it can slowly start to lift you out of a DP state?

Can anyone help. I am bewildered at the moment, I feel more normal than what I did a week ago, but I feel my identity has not completely returned yet. When the DP does go away, is this a gradual thing? Can anyone help??


My thoughts are will all sufferers, this is such a dreadful and frightening illness. :?

Hi Mipmunk

You asked for help. Well I don't know if anything I might say would be helpful to you or not, but i would like to assure you that I can relate to what you are saying about how sometimes DP seems to be lifted in degrees, or stages accompanied with a corresponding increase in the feeling of ones reality. To describe how i have experienced this allow me to use a metaphor about tuning and the radio.

I can recall one of the first times that I was hit really hard with DP/DR and it felt as though someone had changed the station on a radio inside my head. All of a sudden everything felt different and unreal, and very scary like an electrical current was running through my body and mind. The quality of colors and all things had changed along with a sort of flatness to the depth to everything. Then suddenly it was as though someone tuned the radio back to the station of "reality" where things and i felt "real" and familiar again. Then it was as though someone began to turn the radio dial rapidly back and forth between these "reality" "unreality" stations. Sometimes i even got a feeling of physical vertigo in the movement of switching from one station to the other. This went on for several weeks and finally the dial was left pretty much tuned fulltime to the "unreality" station.

When that "feeling" of "reality", began returning many months later, it was as though someone was very slowly adjusting the dial, gradually "tuning in" the "reality" station.

After all these years (forty) the reception is still not quite perfect for me all the time, and sometimes the "unreality station" still causes some "interference" but for the most part the dial is tuned mostly to the frequency of the "reality station". i don't know if the reception will ever be 100 percent perfect, but then again I'm not sure if it ever was or ever could be.

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