[whiterabbit]

I have been through episodes like this before, but I am finding this one almost unbearable. I feel so disconnected from myself I can barely think coherently about anything, my mind just wants to stare into space and I feel horrifyingly empty of anyting - feeling, concentration, thought - I am frightened and I don't know how to make sense of it anymore, don't know how to keep functioning through it. Don't know how to explain to people - I have registered with a local MH Day Centre but I go there and feel like I shouldn't be there, because I am not ill, I am just empty. What is wrong with me, I am here, I can see the world, but I can't connect. It feels like I am dead, everything seems fake even explaining the state. I am in Hell again and can't get out. Can anyone relate to this - I know it will pass, but I fear it won't and I will be stuck like this forever. It is so horrible...

 

[ShyTiger]

Hey Whiterabbit. Just wanted to say i very much relate to your post. Although i have not had dp/dr for a while now i remember being in a state of being completly empty. Like my self had up and left and all that was left was just a shell. That everything that was once familar turned into a cold alien environment. I felt like any moment i would dissapear into oblivion and it is a terrifying sensation. I dont know what a MH day centre is but if it helps you get through your day then you have a right to be there. You are unwell in the fact that you are in a state that is very distressing for you and therefore use whatever rescources help you get through this. You will come out again. (Maybe try focus on that thought.)
Take care of you.

 

[gem]

whiterabbit, I know you are frightened and I understand that completely. This illness is horrible and painful. I at one time felt very empty. I felt lost. It was as if there was a pane of glass between the world and I. I would look through but could really see nothing. I felt numb. I have learned to let my emotions come back on there own, they will come back. Do not try to bring them back, the harder you try some times the harder it is. Tell yourself that you will feel better soon, there will be days where you may feel this way but there will also be days when you will start to feel like you again. Let your feelings come back naturally and they will. I believe the dp/dr is trying to protect us from pain. I know it does not feel like it because it to is very painful. The mind will heal, learn to relax and not fear even though it is very frightening to be in this. You will be okay, keep your mind busy with things that you enjoy, whether it be art, talking a walk, just keep doing.

gem.

 

[whiterabbit]

Thanks for your replies, its helpful to have your support. Am not doing much better today, just empty and pacing tried to engage with friends yesterday, I have this monologue going on all the time in my head, observing my emptiness but when I walk around I don't feel like I am there and - yes, Gem, I know you are right, that it is possible for it to pass, but I have had so much of this in my life, makes me despair, I think it is something I am doing in my head, like I kick off this mechanism and then I can't stop it. I know objectively that it is a kind of response to strong feelings - difficult ones - which I don't think its acceptable for me to have, make me feel bad about myself. I have done a lot of work in therapy over the years. But I still can't stop the mechanism going off and then I am rendered androidal and empty and its pathetic really...I am a long way down the road, 41, been struggling with this openly for 15 years, started when I was a kid.....ooooooooooooof!