Depersonalization Support Forum banner

1 - 5 of 5 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
6 Posts
Hi everyone,

So ive been dealing with this for a while, a couple years, off and on. But theres this absolutely unbelievable feeling ive been getting recently since my dpdr has flared up again.

Has anyone ever experienced this:
It feels as if my consciousness or like my awareness itself is illusory? It starts to feel like i dont actually exist, like i stop existing or get close to it. It also makes me think "what if ive never even existed in the first place?" Because it feels like im not existing and that this whole thing is just some illusion.

I know its all just mental and that everything must be real. But its as if this affects my very experience itself, as if ive never actually experienced anything ever or actually even exist.
Ive also noticed this gets worse with stress and anger, which makes sense.
Its almost as if im fading out of existence or that i never was something to begin with...

So...anyone else?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Im sure its just bogus, yes. It just feels like some ultimate truth or something. Its a feeling that shouldnt be able to happen but it does, i dont understand anything anymore. Its so scary.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
344 Posts
Im sure its just bogus, yes. It just feels like some ultimate truth or something. Its a feeling that shouldnt be able to happen but it does, i dont understand anything anymore. Its so scary.
Yeah that's the way it was for me as well. It's basically an anxiety-driven delusion. For me, it kind of burned itself out over time. Mine was drug induced though. It's like my mind got derailed from reality and took awhile to right itself. And it WAS scary.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
235 Posts
Looks a bit like a song title: "Help, doubting my experience itself? (Crazy feeling)"

Seriously though, that must be a really distressing experience to go through. Doubting existence itself. If I could offer any reassurance though, if you didn't exist then you wouldn't be worrying about it because there would be no self/ego to protect. DP causes emotional numbing which means you lose that emotional connection to life. This means the town where you live, your living environment, music, films, human connection etc all seem to be happening at a sensory level (you can see, hear, smell, touch it) but the perception is lacking in emotion. Naturally this would make you question if those things really do exist at all. It shows how much of our experience is informed by emotion. Thankfully the emotion returns when mental health improves and with it the appreciation of life supersedes any question of reality. The question becomes almost irrelevant at that point. Hope that helps! (apart from my silly joke at the beginning - it's good to make fun of dp sometimes).
 
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
Top