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Hello,
Growing up as the first generation in America as Asian isn't so easy here. It was difficult for my parents coming here during the Vietname War to adjust and accept living an American lifestyle when they are use to living as farmers and practicing Buddhism traditions. Anyway, I was referred here by my psychotherapist for more info and coping skills on dealing with DP. I've been dealing with DP since my teenage years after putting up with numerous physical, verbal, and sexual abuse as a child. I feel like I am trapped 24/7 in this body wondering around a dream. My biggest issue is having to remember anything. For example, if I walk from one room to another, it feels like I've never been there and can't remember what I did. It feels like I would never get better, but does a little bit at a time. I still believe and hate everything about myself from past bullies to this day. I had my dark days of hiding and waiting for the chance to cry alone every night because I didn't want anyone to see me as being weak. I had thoughts of suicide and almost carried out with it, until I saw my sisters who were going to follow along beside me and do the same. Thanks to TV shows, I heard of foster family and sought to escape and try to live a normal family life. It was not easy getting there. I went through months of staying at a mental ward and refused to come back home. Needless to say, I went through three different foster families which I will discuss later on. I wasn't trying to be selfish, but just want to be in a safe environment and get treatments for having multiple mental illness such as PTSD, depression, anxiety, insomnia, and DP. Unfortunately the job market in North Carolina wasn't that great and I had aged out of foster home, so I had to go back to my biological family. Sadly, my dad ended up with stroke and cancer later on. Plus no one was willing to take care of my schizophrenia brother and ADD sister. My mom was the main abuser of the family. I had to step up as Head of the Household and manage all bills and get the help everyone needed. Thanks to being in foster care, I was familiar with finding the proper treatments for everyone. But it was hell all over again for the next four years. My parents continued to be stubborn and turned everyone against me because I didn't give them any spending money. I don't know how on earth I managed to work one job and provide for all five of us with a little money leftover for just food and gas. But I managed to put up with this for the next four years until I couldn't deal with the stress of having so many meltdowns, kidney stones, and numerous health problems.
So for 2020, I decided to learn how to love myself more and be open to advice. And instead of choosing to be miserable everyday, it's time to add a little new adventure into my life. So far, I managed to move out on my own into an apartment be away from my toxic biological family life and surprisingly was rewarded a free trip to Las Vegas by my sister and her husband for taking care of my physical and mentally disabled parents and siblings. My other sisters who were married with their own family had move closer back home. I had to pass all of my duties to them since they think that they could just dump their things, pets, and kids off here. Needless to say, I'm starting to love who I am and try not to allow negativity to rule over me.
Thanks for listening!
Growing up as the first generation in America as Asian isn't so easy here. It was difficult for my parents coming here during the Vietname War to adjust and accept living an American lifestyle when they are use to living as farmers and practicing Buddhism traditions. Anyway, I was referred here by my psychotherapist for more info and coping skills on dealing with DP. I've been dealing with DP since my teenage years after putting up with numerous physical, verbal, and sexual abuse as a child. I feel like I am trapped 24/7 in this body wondering around a dream. My biggest issue is having to remember anything. For example, if I walk from one room to another, it feels like I've never been there and can't remember what I did. It feels like I would never get better, but does a little bit at a time. I still believe and hate everything about myself from past bullies to this day. I had my dark days of hiding and waiting for the chance to cry alone every night because I didn't want anyone to see me as being weak. I had thoughts of suicide and almost carried out with it, until I saw my sisters who were going to follow along beside me and do the same. Thanks to TV shows, I heard of foster family and sought to escape and try to live a normal family life. It was not easy getting there. I went through months of staying at a mental ward and refused to come back home. Needless to say, I went through three different foster families which I will discuss later on. I wasn't trying to be selfish, but just want to be in a safe environment and get treatments for having multiple mental illness such as PTSD, depression, anxiety, insomnia, and DP. Unfortunately the job market in North Carolina wasn't that great and I had aged out of foster home, so I had to go back to my biological family. Sadly, my dad ended up with stroke and cancer later on. Plus no one was willing to take care of my schizophrenia brother and ADD sister. My mom was the main abuser of the family. I had to step up as Head of the Household and manage all bills and get the help everyone needed. Thanks to being in foster care, I was familiar with finding the proper treatments for everyone. But it was hell all over again for the next four years. My parents continued to be stubborn and turned everyone against me because I didn't give them any spending money. I don't know how on earth I managed to work one job and provide for all five of us with a little money leftover for just food and gas. But I managed to put up with this for the next four years until I couldn't deal with the stress of having so many meltdowns, kidney stones, and numerous health problems.
So for 2020, I decided to learn how to love myself more and be open to advice. And instead of choosing to be miserable everyday, it's time to add a little new adventure into my life. So far, I managed to move out on my own into an apartment be away from my toxic biological family life and surprisingly was rewarded a free trip to Las Vegas by my sister and her husband for taking care of my physical and mentally disabled parents and siblings. My other sisters who were married with their own family had move closer back home. I had to pass all of my duties to them since they think that they could just dump their things, pets, and kids off here. Needless to say, I'm starting to love who I am and try not to allow negativity to rule over me.
Thanks for listening!
