I have had DP for about 10 years. I grew up in a religious home. Growing up I always questioned everything that doesn't show logic or proof. It is part of my personality. My parents were very strict and I was always in fear of being able to do "normal" things that other kids, teenagers could do. ( I didn't have my first gf until I was 18) So anyways I would sneak out on lunch breaks during most of high school and would smoke weed. Smoking weed made me question things about the world. It made me become observant and notice the flaws of human nature. It made me see that the majority of humans are sheep that put zero efforts into seeing the bigger picture, believing dogma and "old wives tales" and not even questioning it or researching to see if it holds up. People are blindly in faith. Anyways getting off track lol. So when I was around 16 this family i grew up with that attempted to brainwash me into believing that sex is bad that some invisible force called God was going to send me to a place to where i burn for eternity. Me being logical started to realize...hmm I don't think I belong in this family. I think I wasn't meant to be born to this family. It feels like a mistake I don't even know who these people are. My mother always felt like she knew me. I was her good boy. The thing is she was always in denial. To this day even though I have claimed to be a hardcore atheist she still tries bringing up God to me. She thinks in her mind I am going to get saved. As you can see I tend to ramble. I am a college dropout so I apologize for the terrible structure. So anyways, I believe that having to live separate lives. since childhood is what cause me to be really confused with who i am. The eli at home and the eli with other people. I'm sure everyone acts different with their family than with friends but I believe it was so different i was almost like 2 different personalities. (If you're a parent don't make your children afraid of you if you want to really know them).
Anyways when I moved out of home I found I was able to become more open with my parents I I wasn't as afraid to be myself I still hide some things. I'm completely transparent with my sister now I was even afraid to open up to her years ago but we understand what we went through and support each other. I found lifting weights to be my release for anxiety and seeing the progress makes it less hard to look at myself in the mirror. Being an introvert can make dp worse so forcing myself to be around people helps a lot (this pandemic sure doesn't). My biggest obstacle now is just overcoming depression because for the most part I know who I am now I just need to figure out how to fix who i am.
Anyways when I moved out of home I found I was able to become more open with my parents I I wasn't as afraid to be myself I still hide some things. I'm completely transparent with my sister now I was even afraid to open up to her years ago but we understand what we went through and support each other. I found lifting weights to be my release for anxiety and seeing the progress makes it less hard to look at myself in the mirror. Being an introvert can make dp worse so forcing myself to be around people helps a lot (this pandemic sure doesn't). My biggest obstacle now is just overcoming depression because for the most part I know who I am now I just need to figure out how to fix who i am.
