[belgian_guy]

Hello guys, I'm a 26 years old male and suffering from intense chronic dpdr for 3 years now. I've been reading a lot info on this forum for a solid year but I have never posted, this is my first time. For me it all started after a very stressful period in University when I was studying a lot, sleeping not so much and becoming more and more irritable, obsessive and mentally exhausted (I've actually always had some stress issues in my childhood and and ocd-type personality). One thing I noticed more and more was that I had a hard time holding long conversations because I felt a weird pressure in my head and around my jaw each time I would talk. This symptom along with increasing stress lead me to a panic attack almost 3 years ago which triggered then constant DPDR and a bunch of other mental/neurological symptoms (severe anxiety, headaches, migraines, sound sensitivity, ocd, depression, face pressure, chronic fatigue, GI symptoms, dizziness, weakness, confusion, muscle tension, nausea, TMJ cracking every time I swallow, palpitations...).

The DPDR I experience is classic dpdr like many of you described on this forum (feeling stuck inside my head and watching myself move and talk, the world seems unfamiliar, my body, my nose my own face feels unfamiliar, weird thoughts, fear of existence, lost sense of self...) but I kinda do think the DPDR is a consequence of this pressure in my head.

And I'm pretty much house-bound still now.. Like many of us, I tried absolutely EVERYTHING. I mean there is always something more you can try but I exhausted many options. From psychotherapy to medication, hypnosis, chiropractic, physical therapy, acupuncture, chineese medicine.. you name it. Nothing helped. Of course, I saw many doctors and specialists, did all sorts of scans, MRI's and blood work and it all pretty much came back normal.

It's really a mess and such a complicated thing to try and make sense of. That's why I wanted to ask if any of you have or are experiencing the same thing. So basically still now each time I talk with someone I have this weird pressure-type in my head. It's so debilitating like even a small conversation triggers this pressure, tension, headache and sometimes even become unable to talk. Anyone can relate to this? Even if you don't have exactly this symptom an advice or tip would be super nice.

Many thanks in advance!

 

[ebann413]

Hey Belgian_guy, my name is Eric and I am 33 years old suffering from many of the same things you describe. This is my first post. Even typing this response is almost impossible for me because I feel like I have every thought and no thoughts at all at the same time. For me it started about a year ago after suffering a lot of stressors - overwhelmed by church ministry, a marriage proposal that fell apart and an outright identity crisis. I barely have the motivation to type this response. I spend most of my days trying to simply appear normal to everyone else and for me this means being quiet and not saying anything because I feel like everyone will find out I am a hollow shell living in a body with no emotion and no thoughts. I get extremely nervous and panicky any time anyone asks me ANY question about myself, my past, or what I think about something. I literally have nothing to say back to people when this happens and when I speak, I feel a huge pressure/brain zap and then my thoughts go to "why aren't you saying anything... say something back to this person!" and I end up just being quiet thinking about the fact that I can't talk and I can barely hold a conversation. I am so quiet that I don't even want to try to talk to anyone anymore even though everything within me screams for and craves connection to the people that love me. Like I know they love me and they care about me, and to them I appear pretty normal, but all I can manage to spit out is small talk and small sentences. I think because I have no thoughts all the time, I have to force myself to think of something "normal" to say just to appear part of this world still to those around me. The truth is I feel so phased out of reality that I spend most days watching the clock pass by, not trying anything to get out of it. I have tried everything to feel better, but nothing seems to be working. I feel useless, guilty for not being able to show affection and emotion to my friends and family, and at this point defeated. Deep down I know I am still "here" and this knowingness of my true self keeps me enduring every day, but the torment of living in this prison of my head and my body, without being able to express anything on the inside is killing my motivation. I frequently think about suicide to end things, but the thought of what this would do to my family and friends keeps me hanging on. Every day I feel like I am fading more and more out of reality, and the irony is that I have almost accepted it. There is a strange peace to the nothingness, like my mind and body have shut down. I feel like my perception of everything has been awakened to such a state that there is "no going back". There is no way to unsee the world the way I see it now. People's expressions, their faces, their emotions their movements are all unfamiliar to me and being around people or social situations is the toughest because all I think about is how strange everything is around me. I am living in a quiet prison with my intellect intact and nothing else. Its pure torture and I keep waking up every day hoping it will change. Anyway, that is where I am at. You're not alone brother.
Eric

 

[Dragoon909]

Interesting, because I have the same with the cracking jaw and pressure in my head. I figure it was stress and anxiety. When I'm at my best, there is no pressure or anything.

I also have derealization and depersonalization.

I also have some tinnitus.
In my case, it's definitely stress. It feels as if there's much more wrong, but there isn't.
I've had many tests, and there's nothing!

It's strange how stress can cause all these problems.

 

[Dragoon909]

Hey Belgian_guy, my name is Eric and I am 33 years old suffering from many of the same things you describe. This is my first post. Even typing this response is almost impossible for me because I feel like I have every thought and no thoughts at all at the same time. For me it started about a year ago after suffering a lot of stressors - overwhelmed by church ministry, a marriage proposal that fell apart and an outright identity crisis. I barely have the motivation to type this response. I spend most of my days trying to simply appear normal to everyone else and for me this means being quiet and not saying anything because I feel like everyone will find out I am a hollow shell living in a body with no emotion and no thoughts. I get extremely nervous and panicky any time anyone asks me ANY question about myself, my past, or what I think about something. I literally have nothing to say back to people when this happens and when I speak, I feel a huge pressure/brain zap and then my thoughts go to "why aren't you saying anything... say something back to this person!" and I end up just being quiet thinking about the fact that I can't talk and I can barely hold a conversation. I am so quiet that I don't even want to try to talk to anyone anymore even though everything within me screams for and craves connection to the people that love me. Like I know they love me and they care about me, and to them I appear pretty normal, but all I can manage to spit out is small talk and small sentences. I think because I have no thoughts all the time, I have to force myself to think of something "normal" to say just to appear part of this world still to those around me. The truth is I feel so phased out of reality that I spend most days watching the clock pass by, not trying anything to get out of it. I have tried everything to feel better, but nothing seems to be working. I feel useless, guilty for not being able to show affection and emotion to my friends and family, and at this point defeated. Deep down I know I am still "here" and this knowingness of my true self keeps me enduring every day, but the torment of living in this prison of my head and my body, without being able to express anything on the inside is killing my motivation. I frequently think about suicide to end things, but the thought of what this would do to my family and friends keeps me hanging on. Every day I feel like I am fading more and more out of reality, and the irony is that I have almost accepted it. There is a strange peace to the nothingness, like my mind and body have shut down. I feel like my perception of everything has been awakened to such a state that there is "no going back". There is no way to unsee the world the way I see it now. People's expressions, their faces, their emotions their movements are all unfamiliar to me and being around people or social situations is the toughest because all I think about is how strange everything is around me. I am living in a quiet prison with my intellect intact and nothing else. Its pure torture and I keep waking up every day hoping it will change. Anyway, that is where I am at. You're not alone brother.
Eric

Hey Eric,
This post wasn't directed towards me, but I just want to say I relate 100%.

I live isolated, even though I do go out from time to time.
I very much miss my emotions and ME.
It is torture to go around feeling like an empty person, hoping it changes.
I can relate very well to every word.

The reality I perceive is bleak and 2d. No depth to much of anything.

I, myself believe in God very much and love him with all my heart...but I get frustrated at him for living like this. I mean, there has to be a reason, right?
Aren't we all on an individual journey set in motion by God?

I'm not sure the reason for this stage of my life, but there's something more to it for us.

I carry an orthodox cross, and sometimes I cling to it in prayer...while anxious or in deep fear.

To be honest, I feel like Job.
As if the dp wasn't bad enough, I recently got the flu on top of it. The suffering seems to be never enough. 💔

 

[belgian_guy]

Interesting, because I have the same with the cracking jaw and pressure in my head. I figure it was stress and anxiety. When I'm at my best, there is no pressure or anything.

I also have derealization and depersonalization.

I also have some tinnitus.
In my case, it's definitely stress. It feels as if there's much more wrong, but there isn't.
I've had many tests, and there's nothing!

It's strange how stress can cause all these problems.

That's absolutely crazy how many symptoms are stress related. I do have tinnitus as well but it goes away when I experience less anxiety/frustration. Regarding the cracking jaw and head pressure, I have this for a few years now and it does not go away. Even during periods where I have less anxiety the dpdr and this just don't go away. It's so frustrating man. So you notice that when you have no anxiety the cracking and pressure goes away all together ?

 

[belgian_guy]

Hey Eric,
This post wasn't directed towards me, but I just want to say I relate 100%.

I live isolated, even though I do go out from time to time.
I very much miss my emotions and ME.
It is torture to go around feeling like an empty person, hoping it changes.
I can relate very well to every word.

The reality I perceive is bleak and 2d. No depth to much of anything.

I, myself believe in God very much and love him with all my heart...but I get frustrated at him for living like this. I mean, there has to be a reason, right?
Aren't we all on an individual journey set in motion by God?

I'm not sure the reason for this stage of my life, but there's something more to it for us.

I carry an orthodox cross, and sometimes I cling to it in prayer...while anxious or in deep fear.

To be honest, I feel like Job.
As if the dp wasn't bad enough, I recently got the flu on top of it. The suffering seems to be never enough. 💔

Sometimes God puts you in a situation where you can rely only on Him. I had to learn this the hard way, after all the doctors/specialists/healers I saw I definitely came to the conclusion that nobody truly understands what I go through and so they cannot really help. I had doctors tell me "this is nothing, when you'll have true life challenges you will remember how insignificant this was" while a was half-conscious, depersonalized, head exploding from the inside and my whole body just crushed with symptoms during the meeting. I'm sure you and many people on here are in the same situation. Maybe this is just about giving up all the trying to fix, trying to see another doc, another pill/supplement/diet. Maybe it's a sign to just surrender. I don't know, I'm confused..

 

[Dragoon909]

That's absolutely crazy how many symptoms are stress related. I do have tinnitus as well but it goes away when I experience less anxiety/frustration. Regarding the cracking jaw and head pressure, I have this for a few years now and it does not go away. Even during periods where I have less anxiety the dpdr and this just don't go away. It's so frustrating man. So you notice that when you have no anxiety the cracking and pressure goes away all together ?

Yes, it lessens.
I can deal with the pressure and cracking. It's the derealization and depersonalization I can't stand.
Mine is definitely stress related. Even when anxiety is lowered, the dr and dp do like to hang around.
The TMJ and so on lessens.

 

[ebann413]

Sometimes God puts you in a situation where you can rely only on Him. I had to learn this the hard way, after all the doctors/specialists/healers I saw I definitely came to the conclusion that nobody truly understands what I go through and so they cannot really help. I had doctors tell me "this is nothing, when you'll have true life challenges you will remember how insignificant this was" while a was half-conscious, depersonalized, head exploding from the inside and my whole body just crushed with symptoms during the meeting. I'm sure you and many people on here are in the same situation. Maybe this is just about giving up all the trying to fix, trying to see another doc, another pill/supplement/diet. Maybe it's a sign to just surrender. I don't know, I'm confused..

Yeah I have reached a similar place in my relationship with God. I have come to conclusion that He has to have me here for a reason to die to certain parts of myself and I am trying to be still and trust Him in the process. I'm tired of even talking about it with psychiatrists, and even my spiritual counselors who are focused on deliverance. Talking about it doesn't change anything at this point for me. In fact, it kind of makes it worst because it makes me realize the futility of even explaining it to anyone and then having them desperately try to help from the focus of specialty which confuses me even more. I've gone through every explanation and every possible "reason" it's happening, but am left with "it just is". I just exist in this state. I haven't lost my Faith in God and to be honest, it's the only thing that is keeping me holding on. Praying is extremely difficult because I feel the same with God that I feel with people, I have nothing to say to explain it anymore. I try to spend time in His presence knowing that he knows my heart and he knows my thoughts but fighting back with scripture and powerful prayer is almost impossible because even that seems futile. My girflriend is a strong woman of God and helps encourage me, but I feel like I am failing her as a man of God and won't get back to a place of spiritual strength where I know she needs me to be. We talked last night for a couple hours on my symptoms and she is convinced I am in a healing process with a need for deliverance from strongholds in my mind and spirit, and I believe that. But every attempt to pray, to read, to seek God seems futile. I feel like I am holding on for God to perform some miracle one day when I wake up and shift things, and like you said, maybe I just need to stop trying to fix it and figure it out in my mind and just "wait". Waiting on His wisper. Waiting on my soul to re-enter my body and the spirit of life to be present again in my surroundings

 

[Dragoon909]

Sometimes God puts you in a situation where you can rely only on Him. I had to learn this the hard way, after all the doctors/specialists/healers I saw I definitely came to the conclusion that nobody truly understands what I go through and so they cannot really help. I had doctors tell me "this is nothing, when you'll have true life challenges you will remember how insignificant this was" while a was half-conscious, depersonalized, head exploding from the inside and my whole body just crushed with symptoms during the meeting. I'm sure you and many people on here are in the same situation. Maybe this is just about giving up all the trying to fix, trying to see another doc, another pill/supplement/diet. Maybe it's a sign to just surrender. I don't know, I'm confused..

Belgian guy,
How long have you had the dp and dr, if you don't mind me asking?

 

[belgian_guy]

Belgian guy,
How long have you had the dp and dr, if you don't mind me asking?

2 years and 10 months exactly

 

[Dragoon909]

2 years and 10 months exactly

That's a while.
What do you think caused yours?

I've had it a little over 2 months now with very little let up.

 

[belgian_guy]

That's a while.
What do you think caused yours?

I've had it a little over 2 months now with very little let up.

The perfect storm I would say. A lot of stress at university, I was working as an engineer part-time as well and little by little I would notice my nervous system was becoming more and more exhausted. I would experience these pressures in my head, upper-neck and jaw when I talked (like I explained above) but no dpdr or depression whatsoever. Then one day I had a huge panic attack and I went into full blown dpdr zombie mode, could not care for myself at all the next few months. Like my parents would even help me to do basic things because my body and mind just broke down. Then I started to regain a bit more autonomy and health but still stuck in severe dpdr unfortunately.

 

[Dragoon909]

The perfect storm I would say. A lot of stress at university, I was working as an engineer part-time as well and little by little I would notice my nervous system was becoming more and more exhausted. I would experience these pressures in my head, upper-neck and jaw when I talked (like I explained above) but no dpdr or depression whatsoever. Then one day I had a huge panic attack and I went into full blown dpdr zombie mode, could not care for myself at all the next few months. Like my parents would even help me to do basic things because my body and mind just broke down. Then I started to regain a bit more autonomy and health but still stuck in severe dpdr unfortunately.

That's exactly how it happened for me.

I was drinking loads of coffee, stress, insomnia and acting erratic.
One day, had an anxiety attack that lasted all day and boom...the dp and dr came along.

I honestly need to manage stress better. I wasnt very good at it, as it piled up.

 

[belgian_guy]

That's exactly how it happened for me.

I was drinking loads of coffee, stress, insomnia and acting erratic.
One day, had an anxiety attack that lasted all day and boom...the dp and dr came along.

I honestly need to manage stress better. I wasnt very good at it, as it piled up.

Yes that’s the main thing. However I don’t want you to be discouraged by the fact that I’m still in this almost 3 years later. You’ve had this for 2 months but this could very well leave very soon. It’s very variable and different for everyone, I’ve definititely had better days and terrible days so even for myself it’s variable. I do think this is curable, you can get through this and live a normal life again.

 

[Dragoon909]

Yes that’s the main thing. However I don’t want you to be discouraged by the fact that I’m still in this almost 3 years later. You’ve had this for 2 months but this could very well leave very soon. It’s very variable and different for everyone, I’ve definititely had better days and terrible days so even for myself it’s variable. I do think this is curable, you can get through this and live a normal life again.

Oh I know, it can go at anytime.
It's unpredictable.

Hopefully you'll find relief soon.

As of right now, I'm laying on the bed disconnected from the world.
I go out, but it's like the world is foggy.

Do you get tired easily? Fatigue?
I'm asking because all your other symptoms align with mine.

 

[belgian_guy]

Yeah I have reached a similar place in my relationship with God. I have come to conclusion that He has to have me here for a reason to die to certain parts of myself and I am trying to be still and trust Him in the process. I'm tired of even talking about it with psychiatrists, and even my spiritual counselors who are focused on deliverance. Talking about it doesn't change anything at this point for me. In fact, it kind of makes it worst because it makes me realize the futility of even explaining it to anyone and then having them desperately try to help from the focus of specialty which confuses me even more. I've gone through every explanation and every possible "reason" it's happening, but am left with "it just is". I just exist in this state. I haven't lost my Faith in God and to be honest, it's the only thing that is keeping me holding on. Praying is extremely difficult because I feel the same with God that I feel with people, I have nothing to say to explain it anymore. I try to spend time in His presence knowing that he knows my heart and he knows my thoughts but fighting back with scripture and powerful prayer is almost impossible because even that seems futile. My girflriend is a strong woman of God and helps encourage me, but I feel like I am failing her as a man of God and won't get back to a place of spiritual strength where I know she needs me to be. We talked last night for a couple hours on my symptoms and she is convinced I am in a healing process with a need for deliverance from strongholds in my mind and spirit, and I believe that. But every attempt to pray, to read, to seek God seems futile. I feel like I am holding on for God to perform some miracle one day when I wake up and shift things, and like you said, maybe I just need to stop trying to fix it and figure it out in my mind and just "wait". Waiting on His wisper. Waiting on my soul to re-enter my body and the spirit of life to be present again in my surroundings

You feel so numb internally and a shell of yourself with this condition that even if you are a religious/spiritual person it seems that you lost that part of yourself as well. I think the true you is still there but the symptoms kind of mask that and confuse you. This condition has made me question absolutely everything in my life, but after a while of only confusing thoughts I kinda of said fuck this is actually a symptom of the disorder, not me rationalizing. I also think this condition happens mostly to people that are obsessive and lke to have a lot of control but hater the uncertainty. And the irony is that dpdr feeds on obsession, control and not letting-go. Not saying it’s all there is to the condition but I find it very interesting that it kind of hits you excatly where it hurts most.

 

[belgian_guy]

Oh I know, it can go at anytime.
It's unpredictable.

Hopefully you'll find relief soon.

As of right now, I'm laying on the bed disconnected from the world.
I go out, but it's like the world is foggy.

Do you get tired easily? Fatigue?
I'm asking because all your other symptoms align with mine.

I have bouts with extreme fatigue yes. For example the first 3-4 weeks I could almost not walk alone at all, that’s how bad the fatigue was. Then the fatigue dissipated then it came back and so forth. But definitely the days were the fatigue is extreme are also the days I feel more dizzy, more dpdr, more sick, more anxiety, more nausea, less ability to talk or think or do whatever. But again I think that these « bouts » of fatigue are often after days/weeks of getting frustrated, stressed, angry at my situation and trying to fix it by any means.

 

[Dragoon909]

I have bouts with extreme fatigue yes. For example the first 3-4 weeks I could almost not walk alone at all, that’s how bad the fatigue was. Then the fatigue dissipated then it came back and so forth. But definitely the days were the fatigue is extreme are also the days I feel more dizzy, more dpdr, more sick, more anxiety, more nausea, less ability to talk or think or do whatever. But again I think that these « bouts » of fatigue are often after days/weeks of getting frustrated, stressed, angry at my situation and trying to fix it by any means.

Yeah the fatigue is debilitating at worst.

I find my dr and dp are a little better at nights. Mornings are the worst!

 

[NoDevils]

You may need a bite guard made by a doctor.

While depersonalization isn't directly treatable, stress and anxiety are. I know from experience it's not so simple but it's good to be getting some kind of help and accommodation if the situation is indeed debilitating. I feel my capacity to work is about 50% what it used to be though I may be looking back with rose tinted glasses. My weird dissociated feelings have lessened, for what it's worth.

 

[belgian_guy]

You may need a bite guard made by a doctor.

While depersonalization isn't directly treatable, stress and anxiety are. I know from experience it's not so simple but it's good to be getting some kind of help and accommodation if the situation is indeed debilitating. I feel my capacity to work is about 50% what it used to be though I may be looking back with rose tinted glasses. My weird dissociated feelings have lessened, for what it's worth.

Thanks for the advice! I saw a specialist last year about this and she told me the only solution for this is that I consciously stop grinding my teeth, then my jaw muscles and tmj would relax and I would have less headaches. She said a bite guard would not really help. The problem is that I don’t even notice or think that I’m grinding my teeth that much. Did a bite guard make a difference in your case ?