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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I meet someone. They're great. But a couple things aren't right, not anything noticeable, but something I can't identify. I feel i can't be with them. I push away. Then I advance again and go and have sex with them. What the hell.

All this is making me more lonely...when i'm with someone I realize how lonely I was BEFORE i hooked up with them, but now i'm in a new tornado of loneliness...like i have to pretend to really like them to keep them around. I want them around but i don't want to necessarily be physical or affectionate or have them around all the time.

i don't know.
 

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I can relate to the importance of having somebody under the same roof.

A place always feels really different when there's not.

But that's all they have to be (I don't necessarily want 'em crawling into bed with me).

e
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Yeah. I need them like, as a distraction or something. I don't know.
 

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i feel that...i always think that i need someone to love me and take care of me. then when i find someone to do that, i figure out i was much happier when i was alone.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
maybe we need US to love us

and a lot of one night stands

except don't make out with a bipolar person. i swear...this one guy. he was cute but he WOULD NOT SHUT UP! 8)
 

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i don't really know how to say this without people on the site thinking i'm a total slut but as it's anonymous..

since about 12 i went into the city i lived in then. i always wanted someone to love me and think i was special. i basically lived in other peoples houses, never said no to sexual advances, and took alot of drugs.

i don't know why i didn't have the self preservation that looking back i realise most other girls had. i don't know why i took any quantities of any drug that was going and i don't know why i was easy.

anyway, after that, i had three, three year realtionships, with 2 blokes and then a female. both the bloke things ended because i didn't want sex with them anymore. i lived with both and the second one i really did love but i just wanted a platonic relationship. the female relationship was great, we had a rescue dog and a cat with five kittens, living on the dole and renting a house with an open fire. anyway it was basically a rest for me because 'lesbian bed death' set in quite soon and it was very comfortable.

these days i'm with a bloke in a commited relationship and there is a battle going on about the sex thing; basically it's all he thinks about and i just feel like retiring at an early age.

i do enjoy sex but not when constantly pressured into it. a bit of a turn around for me.

excuse the log post but in a nutshell when younger i thought having sex made people love me and as an adult i still strive for someone to without it
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
makes sense...i used it to be liked too so i couldn't trust when i hooked up with somebody?
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Kind of like an "well i can't get real love so i'll just do what they want becuase that's better than nothing" thing
 
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I might be wrong but I think cause Sex is such an embodiment of physical & emotional state & your whole being is absorbed in the act that is why we want it more. I think what we are looking for is to feel, just to feel something & that is why we are more prone to just wanting sex.

Luckily I'm married! my husband loved it at first & now he is the one complaining for me to leave him alone. Now that I'm all better it doesn't interest me as much as it use to. I put lots of energy into other stuff so sex comes last.

But yeah, don't feel bad about what you are doing. I think that you are acting on a subconscious level. If you don't want to end up in that situation then be mindful of how the after effects make you feel & maybe if you dont' want to feel lonely you should go hang out in a shopping mall or something. For some reason shopping makes me feel good but it does only come second to sex!
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
yeah it's easier to use someone/let them use you than to ask for their time or a hug...i guess that is the mentality i had for so long. because i would pursue the drama-philes, the only ones that seemed interesting enough to keep up with what was going on in MY mind, my fantasies.

and then i couldn't get their attention enough for a quick hug so i gave everything away?

i guess that might be it

for some reason

drawn to the drama

made to think it was my fault if something didn't work out

because i couldn't bear to think mom and dad weren't perfect or worse didn't really care for me

who knows?
 

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Hi Person3,

maybe you like the game more than the price?

Did you have to fight for recognition while you were young?

Did you have to fight for the attention of your parents?

If so, maybe you are repeating a pattern.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
oh yeah

my mom was two nuts short of a fruitcake and my dad was never around.

Basically, I was the typical suburban kid. I would say latchkey but mom never trusted me with a key so after school when I was like 10 i'd have to stand out in the cold for over an hour to wait for her to arrive home. I would want to kill her and planned all the things i would say, then when i didn't express my anger (because she had this sweet "i'm sorry" thing going which i really believed and which "excused" her behavior) I would reproach myself for not strangling her like i intended. I think i do similar with everybody.

I get to the point where things get so out of control that I can't even talk to a person...such is happening with the new guy. we're not really going out at all, it's just that i liked before the whole sex episode how he was saying how special i was, and now he is not, and I know i just know somewhere inside he used me and that is all he wanted, otherwise why would he be doing that, but i get so mad i jsut avoid him. I dont' even know how to express what i feel anymore, it's weird.

But I felt free last night because he didnt' call...i felt better...then i noticed this morning that he had called, but at 1 AM...oh well.. too late. I did feel terribly free last night, for a bit. It was good but bitersweet.

Do a google search for [kate chopin the story of an hour], click on a link to it, it's a very short story but i think everyone on here should read it...
 
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