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Heeeeeeeeey Janine

744 Views 2 Replies 1 Participant Last post by  squish_is_me
This was a reply post I made in response to the "drug v non drug" post. It was bumped all the way down with no response from you so I wasnt sure if that meant you didnt see it or that you didnt have a response.... soooooooooo lol since I am antsy pantsy I decided to make this new thread with the same reply copy pasted into it :D :

WOW! OK jft I think that is exactly how DR feels! In fact the first time I tried to describe it to someone I dsescribed it as comming down of LSD!! WOW

Ok so Janine I have a question!
I did smoke a lot and I mean a freaking LOT of pot between ages of 13 and 20! I did X once or twice... not sure I think just once when I was 17. The summer that I turned 18 I did a lot of acid! I did it every two weeks for a few months! The last time I dosed I actually was at red river gorge and one of the guys who was with us went into a bad trip and was more or less delusional and freaking out the whole night! As a result of this I was forced to be awake the whole time I was comming down! Something I really did not like! I thought it felt horrible! It was as if I was watching reality repixelize in! All the while listening to someone screaming and freaking out which just made me jittery as all hell!
I did have one time shortly after that that Ihad smoked a small amout of opium with some pot and I had what I thought was the drug affecting me badly and as it turns out a DR evening from it.
Well I got pregnant in August of 01'. I quit smoking pot all to geather then. I didnt get high again till about 4mo after I had my lil girl. I smoke occasionally after I had her though not alot. I'd say maybe 4 or 5 times a week... maybe. Then when she was about 8mo old me and her father moved into our own place. Our girl was gone for the night (never smoked around her) and we had friends over. Well I was pretty well on my way to drunk and BF was sparking a joint and asked if I wanted some? I was on my way outside to smoke a cigg. So I just took 3 quick drags and went outside. Between the time I walked out the door to my apt and the time I came back in I got this horrible unreality feeling... I guess the two didnt mix well! I spent the rest of the night sitting in the bedroom staring out the window chainsmoking cigs waiting for company to leave and for my buzz to wear off! It truely freaked me out.
I smoke a few times after that but every time I did I got that same unreal feeling and began hating it! I think I even had a panic attack one time! So that was it for me! In very April or very early may of 04' I got pregnant again. I had been very very(fever of like 103) sick 2 days before my friends wedding... I was in it! Well the day before we were supposed to do the rehersal. I was feeling a lil better and took an excedrin and a tylenol. On my way to the rehersal I got a very confused disoriented feeling and I ws freaking out! I had to pull over and stop and breath and tell myself I was ok! I think that was my first real true anxiety attack! I told myself it was all because of the meds I had mixed together... though I truely did not feel right the rest of that day! The next day I went to get my hair done and was feeling horrible! I decided to take some dayquil. I felt seriously drugged! I know dayquil isnt supposed to make you feel anything... that is the point of it, but I did.
For the next week I felt entirely off kilter! I thought I was fine I just thought I had some weird reaction to the medacine and passed it off. For the most art I didnt think about it at all. I had a little anxiety but I was fine.
Then about a week or so after the wedding ... maybe 10days... I was sitting in a restaraunt with BF's family. I was telling a story and in the middle of my story reality just floated away! I suddenly felt as though things were wrong! I ended the story quickly and began feeling as though I may have just said something stupid. I sat there freaking out! I excused myself and went to the bathroom and told myself I was ok and took some short breaths and tried to relax. sadly when I went back to the table things were not ok. I felt just as jft said that I was on LSD. An unwanted trip! I actually wondered if possibly I was having a flashback!
Since then I have been entirely anxiety ridden and trying to cope and understand these feelings of non-reality and as you put it obsessions over what is happening. What is right and what isnt! Selfmonitoring and all that crap!

So here is my question. I think 3 years is far to long for my DR to be drug induced ... at least by LSD or pot or opium. Wouldnt you agree? So my question is what then? What caused this? Was it possibly that anxiety attack I had? That feeling like the world was caving in? It messed me up so much that my brain couldnt compute? I mean until I was wighting this I hadnt considered it because I just sorta forgot about it after that! Possibly my mind didnt? Or maybe the day after when I took the nyquil? ... of course I did feel out of sorts before I took the nyquil! Sigh. I dunno. I just have been wondering forever what caused this change much like the rest of the people here. Now reading what you have said here I am even more curious!

Any insights Janine?
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yes I agree it does depend on who you ask. My thing is is that at the time this happened first... in that restaraunt. I was fine. Me and my BF were still togeather... though we had been fighting some. I didnt know I was pregnant yet so I wasnt emotionally racked about it. My anxiety didnt onset until after I had this first DR episode. True my mother is BPD and she makes me a little nuts but at this time things were not all that bad with her. So on the whole I was doing pretty good... so I am still yet confused...
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