[maria]

I was just wondering something. (Bare with me, English is not my 1st language..) If you've just been fired, a girl/boyfriend has left you and you're favourite gameshow has ended, the future may seem black. But this is just because bad things have happened to you, and you -feel- like that's the end of your life. But sooner or later you realize that it wasn't over, there are other jobs and boys/girls and gameshows. And you move on. But for me everythings just fine, except the dp, and still everything is black. I mean I don't think there are any particular problems in my life anymore outside the dp. But since I have it, in my mind's eye the next day and every single thing is just black. It's hard to explain it without sounding depressed (I'm no longer depressed but I still have dp, and I don't like when these two are not taken as separate conditions). I guess it's the same thing as lack of feeling. Like I would normally enjoy doing theatre (although I'm a very bad actress, honestly) and I just had a premiere but it felt like nothing, I wasn't even nervous, which is the first feeling that a person should have when performing to a live audience, especially when you're making a fool of yourself. But I was just doing the thing, well, in a dream. In a black dream. I know you all already know all this, so I don't mind if nobody answers (but I'd be happy if someone did), I just had to write this down.

 

[terri*]

First off, your English is great, Maria.

I understand and have gone thru the "Black" period. Kind of like when a painter goes thru his Blue period. Sometimes the blackness returns but as time has gone on I have learned to deal with it better than years ago when I first became DR'd.

I think it is incredible that you can act with this disorder. I congratulate you on your strength and wish you days where you see more light.

Take care.
terri